[ deflection or not, larus doesn't mind. it takes his thoughts away from the urge to pull dorian's wrist to his mouth just to feel his skin against his lips. ]
I assumed as much when you said you liked being bitten. [ but that, too, is a tease. ] There's no point in lying. It only makes things difficult.
[ and very tedious to navigate. trying to remember what he'd said in addition to the things that come after wouldn't be very easy if he just lied about everything, and even if dorian doesn't offer the same truth, that's ultimately his own business. ]
[It's exactly that kind of unrelenting honesty that sounds like a burden to Dorian. They're very different men in this regard, but the immortal appreciates the earnestness-- in Larus. They haven't known each other long, but he can tell that this man is someone he can probably trust for the longer term in the city.]
So you haven't ever lied to bend a situation to your liking? [His turns to the vampire.] To make being around someone else more convenient?
[ he thinks it might just come easier for some. larus meets dorian's eyes. ]
I don't see the point. I'm not going to waste my time being around someone who doesn't want to be around me.
[ maybe it sounds cruel, but time can often be valuable to him, especially depending on what it is he's doing. and the effort it takes to be around someone else? he'll try, but he isn't going to be someone he's not. what everyone sees is what they get—for the most part. ]
[Dorian would be skeptical of that kind of answer, but it doesn't sound like Larus isn't lying for reasons that have anything to do with motivations he's usually suspicious of: so-called morality or principled choices.
He's just... practical.
Dorian can't imagine what that must feel like.]
You may be one of the first vampires I've met that hasn't had to adopt social manipulation as a survival skill. [Is the Dusk the type of place that allows for that kind of choice? Curious.] The other ones I've spoken to always talk about it as being necessary for being able to live the way they either need, or want to.
[It's not a judgement, it's just another reason why Larus is interesting.]
[ there's something about all of that that larus understands. every other vampire he's known is like that, and it's almost like an unspoken rule that he not follow down that path. he's seen where it leads, what happens to those who choose it. choice is always important to him, especially after the way he'd been turned. so all he can do it be honest about it. ]
That makes it sound like an excuse. [ the pull of his mouth is strained, a shallow expression at the memory of pain followed by the deepest cold he's ever known. ] I was killed by a lie. I never want to be that kind of person.
[ he doesn't want to be like sun. he doesn't want to take, even if he needs it. it's why he tries and struggles so hard with everything. ]
It's a valiant aim, and one he assumes is unsustainable for any immortal. All of them ("us") end up lying, stealing and killing in the end. In his experience, the world is too messy and merciless to offer any other option.]
I hope you don't become that, either. [For Larus' sake. Because from what he's slowly been gathering from the vampire in drips and drabs about his history, it sounds like it would devastate him.]
[ he's not completely innocent, is the thing. there are times that he will probably have to do all of those things for one reason or another, but being here? he'd rather build a few important relationships on trust rather than a handful of lies. and he's not a fool either, wondering if that's what dorian believes about him from the things he's said.
slowly, he pulls away, trying to force those walls up once more. something about all of this makes him feel vulnerable, and larus doesn't know if he likes it. ]
Some things are unavoidable no matter how hard we try, [ he says simply, his expression still a bit sour. ] I'm sure this place will test that.
[A conversational segue means Dorian's rising to his feet for a moment to make his way over the short distance to the drink cart in his sitting room. Larus has probably already caught onto this being a habit for him regardless of what Dorian might be feeling-- but a deeper or more disturbing topic is an even more pressing reason to throw back a drink. Dorian uses a pair of tongs to drop a pair of ice cubes into a pretty crystal glass, and then throws a healthy splash of bourbon on top. He'll offer Larus something if he asks, but he got the impression last time that the other man doesn't care overly for it.]
I think parts of it can be helped as long as we surround ourselves with people we like. [He's personally met a few so far that he's found charming at best, tolerable at worst.]
And there's one benefit to all of us being brought here against our will: people naturally seek out others they can trust when they're surviving something together.
[ larus doesn't ask. all he does is watch dorian move, staring a little too long at his backside before shifting his gaze elsewhere. the entire time, he listens to the steady rhythm of his heart, a lull that he's beginning to find far more calming than stressful or taxing. he hasn't experienced any deep desperation for blood just yet, though his hunger is always a constant gnaw deep within, and he finds himself grateful that such an urge hasn't drawn him closer to dorian in that way. (that he's pursued others for that reason has him only somewhat on edge.)
but at least this particular topic of conversation is a bit easier for him to digest. ]
You trust people for different reasons. Why I'm here and why I trust you isn't the same as many of the others I've met.
[ more vampires, his rather young roommate he rarely sees since he's never in. everyone else he doesn't care about. ]
[ is there anything to explain? larus shrugs in response. ]
I follow my instincts. [ as if that's all, but he pauses to consider before leading with: ] There's something easy about being with you. I don't know what it is. I don't even know if I like it. But it's there. I've only met one other person I can say that about, and he isn't here.
[Part of him unabashedly enjoys listening to people talk about him favorably-- or at all, really. But he is curious about why Larus drew a distinction. What he's done is listen and extend sympathy to someone who feels deserving: the cornerstone of any friendship.]
So it doesn't concern you that I said I could have used and discarded you, if I so chose? [Rather than judgmental, he's... impressed.]
Why would I care about something that hasn't happened? If you had, we wouldn't be speaking now. If you do —
[ larus pauses, considering. would he try chasing after whatever this is between them? a friendship, a convenience. he looks at dorian steadily for a while, trying to decide what else to say. there's not much else he wants to talk about, but there has to be a reason he's still there. ]
I don't know. I suppose we'll find out how I feel if you decide to try.
[So Larus either doesn't see him as a bad person, or doesn't think about people in black and white terms like those to begin with. Dorian isn't sure, but either sentiment is something he feels an affinity with. People aren't simple, and it is very easy to imagine meeting others who would be disturbed by a pronouncement like the one he made. In most places he's been, it's more the norm to come across people who would feel that way.
(Because they have the circumstances that allow it.)
Dorian doesn't need to press any further about what he's heard.
The open-endedness and acceptance of the vampire's last comment brings a smile to his face.]
Do you want to spend the night, when the time comes? [Dorian suggests, abruptly.] My suite has a guest room that you're welcome to, and that may be more comfortable than the room you were given. It doesn't have a roommate, at any rate.
[ it is abrupt, and the invitation is just as surprising as the shift in conversation, looking at him with a somewhat unguarded expression. it's not as if dorian's offering him anything substantial, but it's very different from the first time they met, from the words they exchanged. he's starting to understand bits and pieces of this man, though he believes there's more to what dorian presents to the world.
larus is straightforward and not so mysterious. dorian, however, is someone he wants to slowly unravel and piece together. ]
That would leave me here all day. [ not that he's saying no. ] What do you suggest I do to pass the time? Unless you're planning to keep me company.
[ and it's not as if there's nothing to do. he could read, he could message people or browse more of the network. but larus prefers to be out and about among the city, in the thick of it. he'd grow bored and restless sitting still otherwise. ]
I wasn't planning on going anywhere tomorrow, honestly, [he admits. After several straight days of exploring the Up, Dorian finally feels more situated to this part of the city. On top of that, there's the very necessary coordination that needs to happen for the sake of his portrait.
As long as he hasn't met anyone who truly knows him (an ongoing risk, given the randomness of who seems to end up getting pulled into the city) the portrait has been safe hanging up in plain view in the room opposite his kitchen. Experience has taught him that most people, when faced with what looks like a dramatic (disgusting) and avant-garde (reprehensible) piece of artwork, will simply assume that its owner has eccentric tastes. But that won't be the case for long-- particularly not with the vampire seated next to him now if their friendship keeps deepening at the pace it has been.
He needs to find a bank, or some other form of impenetrable safekeeping for it, and that will take probing the network.]
I'd be pleased to have your company, or to let you sleep if you have any need during the day. If you get bored, I'm sure we'd be able to figure out something to pass the time.
[Also, part of him appreciates knowing that being here means Larus won't be getting jumped in the Down. He's not bothered that his roommate will be forced to cope with the loss.]
[ the daylight hours are better spent honing connections and looking elsewhere to aim his interests while avoiding the sun. he should think about a contract that will likely come months from now, perhaps sooner rather than later to give him more freedom. he should think about the quota and everything else that's been laid in front of him. the choices he'll have to make and the things he does not yet know about dorian—whatever it is he doesn't say in the silence.
yet, he doesn't waste time on any of that. not yet. instead, finally remembering to move, he shifts forward in his seat and perhaps just a little closer to the other. ]
So I'd like to hear some of your other suggestions. Maybe any that don't include journaling.
[Dorian breathes an appreciative laugh at the callback to journaling. Clever.]
I have a piano arriving tomorrow. [A very appropriate use of the limited pre-job funds he's been allotted, yes, thank you.] I'll play you something. I have a ready catalog of music at my fingertips, along with most of the body of Chopin's work. [A beat, and then he explains:] He's a famous composer from my world.
[He's trying, for once, to be good. There's a temptation to offer more, but he isn't certain yet-- if Larus is susceptible to his influence, as a young vampire just having gone through (by his own terms) the trauma of his own death. Some part of him still seems to believe he can exist without manipulating others, and without that abstention leading to his own suffering. Dorian isn't sure he wants to impede upon that in a more personal sense yet.
Being good is always a vanity project for him and he's aware of that, but at least it still pays off in positive ways for the people around him. Harm reduction may be the least that he can do, but in this case he likes to think that Toby would approve.]
[ it sounds like something his sister would have appreciated, feeling an intense longing that he just swallows down and frowns around. there are parts of himself that he should finally process and accept, but the fact that he'd died and left her alone – and has for years now – is something he'd rather ignore for as long as possible. if dorian wants to entertain him with music, then the least larus can do is listen. ]
I've never had an ear for music, but I'd like to know more about the things in your world. [ some of it feels similar to him, like he's stepped into an alternate version of his own. larus' expression lightens, almost amused. ] Are you an artist too?
[ meaning did he paint or draw. since he writes and is also musically inclined. those particular things larus never had too much interest in as a boy and still hadn't by the time he'd come of age. not that his parents had really cared about that, but it had left him with a lot of time on his hands to fill in his own way.
if larus is thinking of more or even suggesting more, it might not come for a while. no matter how intensely he listens to the steady thrum of dorian's heartbeat. ]
I can paint, but I haven't in years. [Even the idea of picking up a brush again still stings after the terrible fallout from the last time he painted.] Music and storytelling have always been more of my avenues of self-expression-- that and indulging in the works of others.
[Thinking about it does send an odd shock through his system that he hasn't had time to realize yet: none of what was once readily available to him is accessible here. Whole volumes of words, entire collections of illustrations, and all of those copies of plays and poetry gifted to him by dear, long-dead friends. Everything's trapped back in his own world and gathering dust in his home. All of it he can live without, but in time he knows he'll miss and crave it.
He'll have to start searching for new art and elevated words to fill in the chasm.]
If you aren't that interested in music, what's something you like to do?
['I don't care' is a common refrain from Larus, so it'll be interesting to see if he does have some kind of passion tucked away like a buried treasure.]
[ larus is silent for a moment, digesting what dorian's said about his likes. it would make finding things to fill this apartment with a lot easier, especially if he saw something that larus thought he might enjoy. his lips thin in response to that question though. ]
I haven't thought about it in a long time. [ it's not an 'i don't know', but it's close. ] I liked swimming though. Being outdoors. I used to scale the cliffs by the seaside with a friend of mine before my family moved to the Dusk.
[ he wasn't so wild as egil, only choosing the freedom of being away from his parents when he could, but it's something he had liked. it reminds him just how different the dusk is, how bleak and drenched in crime the further one crawled into the district. but larus can't afford those memories now, meeting dorian's eyes with just a hint of a smile pulling at his mouth. almost fond despite the particular heaviness of what he says next. ]
My sister would like you. You have a lot of the same interests.
[Swimming, cliffs, and being by the seaside. How he keeps finding vampires with nature-oriented bents, he doesn't know. The little offering tugs hard at Dorian's heart in a way he wishes it wouldn't.
So he pushes the thought away. There's a deeply tempting self-indulgence in reaching for shreds of an old lover in someone new, but it's not the same, and never will it be. As long as he's dwelling, he'll stay as frozen in place as he has been for months.
And isn't that the whole point of a new start, regardless of whether it's forced upon him or not? To try and make something new against all odds?]
Let's do that, then, [Dorian decides. He's insistent, suddenly invigorated.] I'm sure this place has something approaching a body of water. We could go there at night, and bring candles and a blanket to make it day under the stars.
[Paper over, in part, the aching wound in his heart with something different, with someone he's coming to trust.]
And you can tell me about your sister. [His voice evens out, softening in response to what's clearly a painful topic.]
[ he doesn't like this. the suggestion of intimacy, of things that he hadn't ever considered giving himself after he'd been turned. dorian seems oddly eager for it, searching what he knows of this place and wondering if there's somewhere they could go. a body of water—a lake, the ocean. larus runs the edge of his tongue against the sharp point of one of his fangs, frown deepening the longer he watches dorian. there's more to all of this that he isn't seeing, but he can't ask.
not right now. maybe not even later. ]
It's sounds like you're asking to take me out.
[ his tone might imply a tease, but it's much too soft for that. larus would rather deflect to anything else other than talking about sofie. how much he misses her, how he'd forced himself to stay away with the thought that mourning his death would be better than knowing what had actually happened to him. it is painful, and he's not quite there yet to even begin to speak much on it. ]
[ but he only thinks it because it's not something he's used to. this kind of attention, the earnest way they always seem to meet and come together. there's something there, something larus can't put his finger on, and it's going to consume him the longer they're around one another.
his voice is softer still. ] Is that something you want?
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I assumed as much when you said you liked being bitten. [ but that, too, is a tease. ] There's no point in lying. It only makes things difficult.
[ and very tedious to navigate. trying to remember what he'd said in addition to the things that come after wouldn't be very easy if he just lied about everything, and even if dorian doesn't offer the same truth, that's ultimately his own business. ]
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So you haven't ever lied to bend a situation to your liking? [His turns to the vampire.] To make being around someone else more convenient?
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I don't see the point. I'm not going to waste my time being around someone who doesn't want to be around me.
[ maybe it sounds cruel, but time can often be valuable to him, especially depending on what it is he's doing. and the effort it takes to be around someone else? he'll try, but he isn't going to be someone he's not. what everyone sees is what they get—for the most part. ]
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He's just... practical.
Dorian can't imagine what that must feel like.]
You may be one of the first vampires I've met that hasn't had to adopt social manipulation as a survival skill. [Is the Dusk the type of place that allows for that kind of choice? Curious.] The other ones I've spoken to always talk about it as being necessary for being able to live the way they either need, or want to.
[It's not a judgement, it's just another reason why Larus is interesting.]
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That makes it sound like an excuse. [ the pull of his mouth is strained, a shallow expression at the memory of pain followed by the deepest cold he's ever known. ] I was killed by a lie. I never want to be that kind of person.
[ he doesn't want to be like sun. he doesn't want to take, even if he needs it. it's why he tries and struggles so hard with everything. ]
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It's a valiant aim, and one he assumes is unsustainable for any immortal. All of them ("us") end up lying, stealing and killing in the end. In his experience, the world is too messy and merciless to offer any other option.]
I hope you don't become that, either. [For Larus' sake. Because from what he's slowly been gathering from the vampire in drips and drabs about his history, it sounds like it would devastate him.]
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slowly, he pulls away, trying to force those walls up once more. something about all of this makes him feel vulnerable, and larus doesn't know if he likes it. ]
Some things are unavoidable no matter how hard we try, [ he says simply, his expression still a bit sour. ] I'm sure this place will test that.
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I think parts of it can be helped as long as we surround ourselves with people we like. [He's personally met a few so far that he's found charming at best, tolerable at worst.]
And there's one benefit to all of us being brought here against our will: people naturally seek out others they can trust when they're surviving something together.
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but at least this particular topic of conversation is a bit easier for him to digest. ]
You trust people for different reasons. Why I'm here and why I trust you isn't the same as many of the others I've met.
[ more vampires, his rather young roommate he rarely sees since he's never in. everyone else he doesn't care about. ]
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Really. Care to explain? [As he listens, he helps himself to a decent sip of his bourbon, issuing a soft hiss at the burn.]
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I follow my instincts. [ as if that's all, but he pauses to consider before leading with: ] There's something easy about being with you. I don't know what it is. I don't even know if I like it. But it's there. I've only met one other person I can say that about, and he isn't here.
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So it doesn't concern you that I said I could have used and discarded you, if I so chose? [Rather than judgmental, he's... impressed.]
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[ larus pauses, considering. would he try chasing after whatever this is between them? a friendship, a convenience. he looks at dorian steadily for a while, trying to decide what else to say. there's not much else he wants to talk about, but there has to be a reason he's still there. ]
I don't know. I suppose we'll find out how I feel if you decide to try.
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(Because they have the circumstances that allow it.)
Dorian doesn't need to press any further about what he's heard.
The open-endedness and acceptance of the vampire's last comment brings a smile to his face.]
Do you want to spend the night, when the time comes? [Dorian suggests, abruptly.] My suite has a guest room that you're welcome to, and that may be more comfortable than the room you were given. It doesn't have a roommate, at any rate.
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larus is straightforward and not so mysterious. dorian, however, is someone he wants to slowly unravel and piece together. ]
That would leave me here all day. [ not that he's saying no. ] What do you suggest I do to pass the time? Unless you're planning to keep me company.
[ and it's not as if there's nothing to do. he could read, he could message people or browse more of the network. but larus prefers to be out and about among the city, in the thick of it. he'd grow bored and restless sitting still otherwise. ]
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As long as he hasn't met anyone who truly knows him (an ongoing risk, given the randomness of who seems to end up getting pulled into the city) the portrait has been safe hanging up in plain view in the room opposite his kitchen. Experience has taught him that most people, when faced with what looks like a dramatic (disgusting) and avant-garde (reprehensible) piece of artwork, will simply assume that its owner has eccentric tastes. But that won't be the case for long-- particularly not with the vampire seated next to him now if their friendship keeps deepening at the pace it has been.
He needs to find a bank, or some other form of impenetrable safekeeping for it, and that will take probing the network.]
I'd be pleased to have your company, or to let you sleep if you have any need during the day. If you get bored, I'm sure we'd be able to figure out something to pass the time.
[Also, part of him appreciates knowing that being here means Larus won't be getting jumped in the Down. He's not bothered that his roommate will be forced to cope with the loss.]
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[ the daylight hours are better spent honing connections and looking elsewhere to aim his interests while avoiding the sun. he should think about a contract that will likely come months from now, perhaps sooner rather than later to give him more freedom. he should think about the quota and everything else that's been laid in front of him. the choices he'll have to make and the things he does not yet know about dorian—whatever it is he doesn't say in the silence.
yet, he doesn't waste time on any of that. not yet. instead, finally remembering to move, he shifts forward in his seat and perhaps just a little closer to the other. ]
So I'd like to hear some of your other suggestions. Maybe any that don't include journaling.
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I have a piano arriving tomorrow. [A very appropriate use of the limited pre-job funds he's been allotted, yes, thank you.] I'll play you something. I have a ready catalog of music at my fingertips, along with most of the body of Chopin's work. [A beat, and then he explains:] He's a famous composer from my world.
[He's trying, for once, to be good. There's a temptation to offer more, but he isn't certain yet-- if Larus is susceptible to his influence, as a young vampire just having gone through (by his own terms) the trauma of his own death. Some part of him still seems to believe he can exist without manipulating others, and without that abstention leading to his own suffering. Dorian isn't sure he wants to impede upon that in a more personal sense yet.
Being good is always a vanity project for him and he's aware of that, but at least it still pays off in positive ways for the people around him. Harm reduction may be the least that he can do, but in this case he likes to think that Toby would approve.]
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I've never had an ear for music, but I'd like to know more about the things in your world. [ some of it feels similar to him, like he's stepped into an alternate version of his own. larus' expression lightens, almost amused. ] Are you an artist too?
[ meaning did he paint or draw. since he writes and is also musically inclined. those particular things larus never had too much interest in as a boy and still hadn't by the time he'd come of age. not that his parents had really cared about that, but it had left him with a lot of time on his hands to fill in his own way.
if larus is thinking of more or even suggesting more, it might not come for a while. no matter how intensely he listens to the steady thrum of dorian's heartbeat. ]
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[Thinking about it does send an odd shock through his system that he hasn't had time to realize yet: none of what was once readily available to him is accessible here. Whole volumes of words, entire collections of illustrations, and all of those copies of plays and poetry gifted to him by dear, long-dead friends. Everything's trapped back in his own world and gathering dust in his home. All of it he can live without, but in time he knows he'll miss and crave it.
He'll have to start searching for new art and elevated words to fill in the chasm.]
If you aren't that interested in music, what's something you like to do?
['I don't care' is a common refrain from Larus, so it'll be interesting to see if he does have some kind of passion tucked away like a buried treasure.]
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I haven't thought about it in a long time. [ it's not an 'i don't know', but it's close. ] I liked swimming though. Being outdoors. I used to scale the cliffs by the seaside with a friend of mine before my family moved to the Dusk.
[ he wasn't so wild as egil, only choosing the freedom of being away from his parents when he could, but it's something he had liked. it reminds him just how different the dusk is, how bleak and drenched in crime the further one crawled into the district. but larus can't afford those memories now, meeting dorian's eyes with just a hint of a smile pulling at his mouth. almost fond despite the particular heaviness of what he says next. ]
My sister would like you. You have a lot of the same interests.
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So he pushes the thought away. There's a deeply tempting self-indulgence in reaching for shreds of an old lover in someone new, but it's not the same, and never will it be. As long as he's dwelling, he'll stay as frozen in place as he has been for months.
And isn't that the whole point of a new start, regardless of whether it's forced upon him or not? To try and make something new against all odds?]
Let's do that, then, [Dorian decides. He's insistent, suddenly invigorated.] I'm sure this place has something approaching a body of water. We could go there at night, and bring candles and a blanket to make it day under the stars.
[Paper over, in part, the aching wound in his heart with something different, with someone he's coming to trust.]
And you can tell me about your sister. [His voice evens out, softening in response to what's clearly a painful topic.]
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not right now. maybe not even later. ]
It's sounds like you're asking to take me out.
[ his tone might imply a tease, but it's much too soft for that. larus would rather deflect to anything else other than talking about sofie. how much he misses her, how he'd forced himself to stay away with the thought that mourning his death would be better than knowing what had actually happened to him. it is painful, and he's not quite there yet to even begin to speak much on it. ]
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But it is convincing.]
Is there something wrong with that?
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[ but he only thinks it because it's not something he's used to. this kind of attention, the earnest way they always seem to meet and come together. there's something there, something larus can't put his finger on, and it's going to consume him the longer they're around one another.
his voice is softer still. ] Is that something you want?
notifs doing me dirty ):<
they just don't want them to kiss
too bad for them!!
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omg i'm so sorry
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interesting that theyโre hesitant about the exact opposite things
they're honestly ridiculous and i love them for it
800% ridiculous and itโs great
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