[ he's not expecting anything like that. dorian had asked, and honest as always, larus had answered. there are layers to whatever relationship it is they're forming, letting his eyes drift closed to savor the way he touches him before looking at him once more. ]
If I'd only wanted to fuck, I doubt I would have asked for your name. [ instead, he'd asked questions and tried to ignore this pull of attraction between them. ] I want those things, Dorian, but I also want you to touch me.
[ it's a brazen admission, almost self-conscious with how vulnerable it must make him look to request such a thing. there would be time to talk until they've run out of breath, but right now, mostly encircled in the other's arms, larus wants to do anything but discuss such things. he should be used to that kind of prompting, and yet, he doesn't want any other reminders of home, pressing a kiss to dorian's jaw and adding the blunt nip of his teeth to the gesture.
sex is easier; larus would agree on that. but he's never chosen anything based on its simplicity. ]
[It shouldn't at Dorian's age and after the sheer number of people he's met, but the mixture of bluntness and complexity of these kinds of responses from Larus throw him. It's part of what makes his conversations with the vampire enjoyable and surprising; Lying about himself is so second nature that being confronted with relentless honesty is strange.
But the man has a point, and the part of Dorian that isn't being drawn back into the distraction of lips at the line of his jaw, issues an amused sound.]
Nevermind, then, [he throws out easily. All of what they're trying, and semi-succeeding, at discussing can wait.] We'll talk later.
[It'll take a few mental shifts to get himself out of the brooding he'd inadvertently fallen into, but it all starts with the line of shirt buttons that climb from his pelvis to his throat. Dorian pulls at the fabric as it loosens around his shoulders, baring his too-perfect skin to the other man, and then reaching up to wrap hands around the back of Larus' neck for a deeper, more purposeful kiss.]
[ there's a soft sound in response to that, something that doesn't require much effort seeing as how he's really unable to speak, and larus falls into the pressure of hands and mouth without a second thought. he's spent so much time overthinking this that they'd nearly stalled, surprisingly patient as he pulls at the buttons of dorian's shirt to expose more skin he's decided he really wants to touch.
being close, at least, is a much better thing to focus on than anything else.
and once the kiss breaks, larus trails his mouth elsewhere. to the slope of naked neck and shoulder, keeping his teeth far from the temptation of simply sinking down into it. he's not starving so it's a non-issue. but he follows the drum of dorian's heart, slipping his hand under the fabric of his shirt to gently scratch blunt nails over his belly and back down to his pants. with the fastening undone, there's room to maneuver, and he pushes his fingers in to touch him, turning his head back to kiss him again. harder this time, soaking up the heat that makes him feel more alive than he's felt in a while. ]
[Velvety, chilly touches of lips against Dorian's neck and shoulders send excitement sparking from his core to the tips of his extremities. It's a familiar thrill, and one he's come to savor each time he can have it-- meaning, just this once in the past year or so. It's a suggestion of someone he's craved so deeply that him giving into the feeling with someone new is an inevitability. A backup of sheer need and longing pours from him in a rush, as he raises his hips to press into the new weight against his cock. For just a moment it's like being pulled back to the sensation of being alive, and of actually wanting to be at all.
Now that they're moving forward in earnest, he's not going to hold back. Dorian's hands drop to the fastenings of Larus' jeans, fumbling distractedly with the buttons for a moment as short breaths fall from his lips, before everything is mercifully drawn aside. He glances up briefly, locking eyes with Larus, before reaching down to wrap fingers around the other man's cock in the way he's been wanting.
It's an open question about how vampirism works in a world different than the one Dorian's used to, and if this will work, but that won't matter until it actually does. Once he gets some kind of reaction, Dorian's going to sink into the kiss on offer, deepening it as he begins to touch Larus in earnest.]
[ maybe it's something he should have considered before pursuing this with anyone else, but his working knowledge of vampires is frighteningly similar to what he knows of humans. their bodies, their chemistry. aside from the very obvious differences – blood to sustain and no sunlight – everything is still much the same—as far this kind of intimacy goes. he's already half-hard by the time his jeans are undone, a clear indication that he is incredibly attracted to this man. how often has he been able to say that about anyone for the longest time? none, really. aside from one, and there's enough difference to not get confused by it, to not long for dark skin and unsubtle urgings to bite wherever he pleases.
he fumbles then, for a moment, but larus rocks into the pressure of dorian's hand to test the way it feels, ignoring his thoughts and centering himself in memorizing dorian's responses instead. the way he exhales, when his breath hitches at something he particularly seems to like as larus gives his cock a purposeful squeeze before stroking him. fabric and the angle don't offer much in terms of movement though, and it's almost laughable how content he is to jerk him off like this. like they're desperate teenagers hungry for one another.
larus is quiet as he bears into him, swallowed up by the thunderous sound of dorian's pulse in his ears and the sharp heat of his fingers around him. he should remove them, pin his arms above his head and use his mouth to make him come because it's so much easier to turn the attention away from himself, but for now, he doesn't. he simply gives into it for a while, kissing at dorian's jaw and down his throat again as he presses against him. ]
[It isn't frenetic, the way Dorian runs his fist over the man pressed up against him. He's had every kind of sexual experience imaginable, but each time and every way it happens is something worth savoring. This too is a sampling of something deeper and full of promise, even if he truly would have enjoyed stripping the vampire the rest of the way and fucking him. That hasn't been put on the table yet, and pulling an orgasm from the other man will be satisfying enough for now. It all quiets his thoughts and the hounding of pains, mistakes, and the consequences of over a hundred years of selfish and decadent living, as he tastes Larus and learns exactly how his body responds to each press of his body or grip of his hand.
The angle is getting frustrating and inconvenient, though, and clothing keeps restricting him in ways he isn't willing to accept. So as soon as there's a chance, Dorian will stop long enough to shift their position, meet the other man's eyes for the briefest moment, and then press Larus into the loveseat cushions beneath them both.]
Faster, [he urges, knowing exactly what it'll take to get him over the edge. Compliance earns Larus a groan, and a further shortening of the breaths leaving him as his heart knocks ever-harder in his chest. As young and virile as his magically-preserved body is, it won't take much of this for him to reach the orgasm he's chasing.]
[ there's an edge they're racing towards, brought closer by the fact he doesn't protest the change in positions. it's easier now, too, his jeans halfway down his thighs, and while he can't part his legs too far, he can arch into the pull of dorian's movements. friction, warmth. all of it larus desires, and he complies because he doesn't feel the need to be petulant about it, curious to see what dorian will look like once he's unraveled—even just a little.
rather than search for another kiss, however, he uses his free hand to press against the back of dorian's head, drawing him down so their foreheads gently knock together. he wants to feel his breath, gripping him tighter and stroking faster as the edge of his thumb slides and teases over the head every time. and he's close, so close. because the pleasure of it is overwhelming, because he's always starved for this sort of soft contact. because he wants, and the race of dorian's heart is going to drown him before he can stop it.
second, minutes. larus can't count, but he's aware of the way his fangs pierce into his own tongue the moment he comes, tasting his own blood and eyes squeezed shut. being here, in this place and with dorian... it's going to slowly destroy him, and he doesn't think there's much to be done about it. ]
[Larus coming in his hand and pulling him in again is stirring. Dorian will keep touching the vampire just long enough to carry the other man through his orgasm, to revel in it, and to bring an element of sweet torture to sensitive skin to get himself that final step to the knife's edge.
He opens his eyes to appreciate the other man's expression, but then closes them again just as quickly as his orgasm crests and takes hold of him. Dorian's breath leaves him in a moan, and he comes between them without any particular care as to where. All he wants in this moment is more closeness to fill the insatiable, empty hole in his core, and he finds some of it in a tipping of his head to capture Larus' lips again. He immediately tastes blood, but the tangy sting of copper seems natural in this moment and doesn't deter him.
It's exquisite, in that this is both somehow erotic and unexpectedly, deeply intimate at the same time. Dorian isn't thinking about much of anything at all at the moment, but when he does, this will be something to reflect on. To try and appreciate exactly what happened here, and what it could mean.
When he pulls away, it's to catch his breath and recover.]
[ the aftermath of the moment is sharp, a little bitter, but he swallows and finds it's just the taste of blood. it's enough to stir his senses, inhaling once for no reason in particular before trying to pull himself back together. there's the cooling warmth of come at his hip and between his fingers, not an entirely unpleasant sensation as he finally moves.
larus pulls himself free when dorian draws away, only going far enough to drag his clothes into place despite the mess they've made. his shirt is still somewhere on the floor, but he's not so shy as to worry about it. the entire time, a handful of seconds at most, he spends it watching dorian and listening to the slowly easing rhythm of his heartbeat. a cadence he now has memorized, something burned into him like this experience they've just shared. it prompts larus to move in close again, taking dorian's hand and turning the wrist towards him so he can press his mouth there. a kiss, lingering over his pulse. ]
This isn't how I usually get to know someone.
[ murmured against skin, he looks at him with an expression that says as much. this isn't a habit for him, and it never will be. ]
[Unashamed of his own nudity wherever it might occur, once they're parted Dorian leans into the back of the couch again, running fingers through his curls as he catches his breath. He'll tuck himself away and get rearranged in a moment, but he's still enjoying the afterglow, and the cool press of lips to his wrist. A few breaths later, he offers Larus a sidelong smile.]
Speaking as someone who does frequently get to know people this way, I thought it was revealing. [Dorian's mostly flirting, but there's one thing that's evident: the attraction he's been picking up from the vampire is wholly real. Larus clearly knows his way around a man.
More softly, but genuinely, he adds:]
You're beautiful. [Physically, personally. Like it's the most obvious thing in the world.]
[ it would be easy to pretend he didn't hear those things and focus on something else. anything else. perhaps how he could nip his teeth into that soft, fragile wrist. perhaps more exploration of dorian's body, what other places his mouth might find that the other man likes. it's a thought, but with the lingering taste of blood on his tongue, he only chooses to ignore the comment about his beauty.
larus feels differently, of course. maybe he hadn't once upon a time, but it's the same kind of thing that sun had flung at him so casually, lured in by his words and the promise of something more. their relationship had never been a sexual one, but it had been charged, deep. it's an unsettling thought when he's sitting with someone he feels he can trust more than that, and larus leans back, his thumb stoking over the spot he's just kissed.
his own smile is fleeting. ]
Is that what it revealed to you, or is there more?
[He can't feel out the reason why Larus might be asking, but it doesn't bother Dorian to be candid about something like this. If someone's interested in his impressions, and it's not something deeply person or related to himself in an unexpected way, he'll give them.
There's also the fact that he's feeling more agreeable than usual thanks to the deep sense of post-orgasm relaxation still swimming lazily through his veins.]
You've had at least one boyfriend, [Dorian guesses. Larus doesn't strike him as the type to seek out or enjoy casual sex, so his level of comfort with another another man says multiple, repeated experiences with singular partners.]
And you aren't as soft as I wondered about. [He smiles slightly, one corner of his lips pulling up in private amusement.] I felt that when you pushed me back into the couch.
[ does he want to share more with him? the pleasant haze of their encounter is already trying to wash itself away, but larus doesn't want to let it go just yet, searching for something to say that's more a non-answer than the truth. yet, as he'd told dorian before, there's no point in lying. not about this, not about much of anything.
larus loosens his grasp, stroking lightly along dorian's forearm before gently gripping his elbow and shifting closer. ]
I have someone back home. He's – [ his tone betrays him, a softness that's equally felt if dorian happens to look him in the eye. ] I don't know. He isn't my boyfriend, but I trust him explicitly. I think he would disagree with you about my softness.
[ he lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug, deciding that he's not really in the mood to talk about casimir right now. instead, larus decides that he's not done being close to dorian and moves them in a way he can settle in the other man's lap. ]
[The mention of a significant other is interesting, it's just that Larus pressing back into his lap is more interesting.]
I didn't say you weren't still soft, [Dorian clarifies, settling a palm over the top of Larus' thigh as he comes close. He grips at that spot, not hard, but with a present, if muted, desire.] Just not as much as I thought. [A beat.]
I like your tenderness.
[There's very little else he likes more in a man these days, (provided he appreciates their personality for other reasons first, and that tenderness isn't actually flaccidity or a cloying romanticism) besides loyalty.]
Not every man gets to hold onto something like that, after-- [What he's gone through. After losing his life.] everything.
[ it's quiet, unsure if he really wants to discuss something like that when they're like this. it's not a particularly pleasant topic, pressing into dorian at the grip of his hand on his thigh. larus cups the side of his face, letting his thumb trace the curve of dorian's cheek. his eyes are a pleasing blue, he realizes. ]
That I won't let it take from me, I mean. Not that the specifics really matter.
[ tipping forward, their noses touch, and as much as larus wants to kiss him, he refrains. ] Don't expect it from me all the time.
[Such a pronouncement would be more impressive to him if Larus were older, but it's not not impressive.
There's nothing that kills joy or ages the soul faster than death-- experiencing it, or witnessing it. Dorian knows that, feels that, more deeply than almost anything else.]
I'm not expecting anything. [His tone is smoother, less harsh than the words themselves.]
But the specifics do matter, Larus. Especially in the case of the soul, and those things someone holds onto. [He sighs softly.] They're all that matter, sometimes.
[ he's not under any delusions that he isn't a monster, that whatever he might have had of such a thing no longer exists with the life he's led. it only means that he has more to prove, more to struggle with, and it's part of the reason why he's so particular about his habits. he's killed and been destroyed in turn, the worst parts of himself present in the shadows.
the tip of his tongue presses to the back of his teeth, the faint taste of blood still lingering. ]
I doubt there's anything left of mine, but trying is all I can do. It's all any of us can do. [ a pause, and his eyes meet dorian's. ] Being with someone who understands that, even a little, makes it easier.
But he's not quite so ready to pick that part of himself open to share it, yet. More likely than not, it'll tumble out of him at some unexpected time, provoked from him through some argument or moment filled with heightened emotions.
Or maybe Larus is telling him he's picked up on more than he's spoken aloud? Dorian hesitates uncertainly, meeting the young vampire's gaze thoughtfully.]
[ whatever he's picked up on, it's certainly not the truth dorian keeps to himself. not yet. ]
I haven't met them yet. Maybe they don't even exist.
[ and it's been a pointless thing to waste breath on. as much as he loves casimir – and he does love him – there are still so many differences between them. casimir is outspoken and brazen, wearing his ideals on his sleeve while larus prefers to skulk in the dark with his privacy. it's a way to protect himself, which he should be doing with dorian. he could disappear tomorrow, and all of this would have meant absolutely nothing in the scheme of things.
he curls his fingers, gently rubbing his knuckles almost absently along dorian's collarbone. ] At least for me.
[The light tension that had gathered in the immortal's shoulders releases slowly. He's being paranoid.
He's not sure there's even a good reason to be paranoid around Larus, anymore. It's mostly a reflexive response by this point in his life.]
Trying is all anyone can do, [Dorian agrees smoothly.] Just living life regardless of what that means for you or what's come before. Regardless of what anyone else has to say, or feels the need to do about it.
[He lets those words sit in silence for a long, contemplative moment. And then, smiling, Dorian wraps a hand around the back of Larus' neck to draw the other man in for a kiss.]
D'you want some tea? [he says, tone suddenly light as he points the conversation in a different direction.] I think I'd like a cup of black.
[ he picks up on that implication easily enough, sort of grateful for the topic change. there's nothing else he wants to say about it anyway, kissing him once more before slowly sliding off his lap. it's strange to think it's not actually what he wants, but there's more time to figure things out between them. besides, larus needs to spend a while rebuilding his defenses. ]
I don't want anything, no. But I could make some for you.
[ and deciding to continue not overthinking, he takes dorian by the hand and pulls to draw him to his feet. if he needs the support, larus is there to hold him; it's not as if something like this is incredibly taxing for him, and it's just a continued excuse to keep touching dorian. ]
Where do you keep it? [ he'd never been much of a tea drinker, but he's known several people who are. ]
[The pull to his feet is more helpful than he's expecting while his body is still reorienting in the wake of afterglow. Reflexively, Dorian smooths out his clothes and plucks his shirt up from the floor.]
You want to make me tea? [He's puzzled, but more entertained and a little surprised than anything else. It's a pleasant gesture, and one he appreciates.]
I've got a tin of loose leaf in the cabinet above the oven. Electric kettle's just there [he indicates the kettle sitting beside the sink] too.
[He makes his way to the island to pull out a chair as he waits. A thoughtful moment later he asks:]
You said you don't sleep, right? Does that mean not at all, or only a negligible amount?
[ there's hardly any effort in it, having found that he likes the routine of simple, normal things. not that he wastes it on himself since there wouldn't be any point, but it's good to do them every so often for someone else.
larus retrieves his shirt on the way to the kitchen and quickly pulls it on before prepping the kettle and the other things he needs for tea. with the tin and a mug – or a cup, whichever he happens to find that suits dorian's tastes – set on the counter, he turns back to look at him. more questions—not that he minds answering that. ]
Not at all. [ it gets tiresome, really. ] But I could if I wanted to. Sometimes, it's nice to do it when I'm with someone.
[ and a lot warmer when his body regulates to the heat he shares with them, almost like he's alive and not some reanimated thing with no pulse. ]
[Well, no need for him to try and rustle up fresh linens for the guest bed then. If Larus decides to accept his invitation to stay the night (mostly the day, it sounded like) there isn't much point in offering him a bed, period.
Still, it's polite and the normal thing to do, though, so he'll spare the room regardless.]
You might enjoy spreading out on the bed in there, [he indicates the guest room.] anyway. It's comfortable, like everything else in here. [And that the dominants are provided with.]
[ comfortable. larus is not so familiar with the word these days, stepping away from his task to move closer to the counter near dorian and lean against it. he looks at him for a moment, clearly thinking and trying to discern where their boundaries are. he could ask, but there's also something about the mystery of it that draws his curiosity. debating, finally, there's the smallest of smiles. ]
Are you saying you'd rather sleep alone? Or is that just your preference?
[ not that he's inviting himself into dorian's bed, and before he can see any sort of reaction on his face, larus turns to attend to the tea once more. ]
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If I'd only wanted to fuck, I doubt I would have asked for your name. [ instead, he'd asked questions and tried to ignore this pull of attraction between them. ] I want those things, Dorian, but I also want you to touch me.
[ it's a brazen admission, almost self-conscious with how vulnerable it must make him look to request such a thing. there would be time to talk until they've run out of breath, but right now, mostly encircled in the other's arms, larus wants to do anything but discuss such things. he should be used to that kind of prompting, and yet, he doesn't want any other reminders of home, pressing a kiss to dorian's jaw and adding the blunt nip of his teeth to the gesture.
sex is easier; larus would agree on that. but he's never chosen anything based on its simplicity. ]
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But the man has a point, and the part of Dorian that isn't being drawn back into the distraction of lips at the line of his jaw, issues an amused sound.]
Nevermind, then, [he throws out easily. All of what they're trying, and semi-succeeding, at discussing can wait.] We'll talk later.
[It'll take a few mental shifts to get himself out of the brooding he'd inadvertently fallen into, but it all starts with the line of shirt buttons that climb from his pelvis to his throat. Dorian pulls at the fabric as it loosens around his shoulders, baring his too-perfect skin to the other man, and then reaching up to wrap hands around the back of Larus' neck for a deeper, more purposeful kiss.]
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being close, at least, is a much better thing to focus on than anything else.
and once the kiss breaks, larus trails his mouth elsewhere. to the slope of naked neck and shoulder, keeping his teeth far from the temptation of simply sinking down into it. he's not starving so it's a non-issue. but he follows the drum of dorian's heart, slipping his hand under the fabric of his shirt to gently scratch blunt nails over his belly and back down to his pants. with the fastening undone, there's room to maneuver, and he pushes his fingers in to touch him, turning his head back to kiss him again. harder this time, soaking up the heat that makes him feel more alive than he's felt in a while. ]
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Now that they're moving forward in earnest, he's not going to hold back. Dorian's hands drop to the fastenings of Larus' jeans, fumbling distractedly with the buttons for a moment as short breaths fall from his lips, before everything is mercifully drawn aside. He glances up briefly, locking eyes with Larus, before reaching down to wrap fingers around the other man's cock in the way he's been wanting.
It's an open question about how vampirism works in a world different than the one Dorian's used to, and if this will work, but that won't matter until it actually does. Once he gets some kind of reaction, Dorian's going to sink into the kiss on offer, deepening it as he begins to touch Larus in earnest.]
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he fumbles then, for a moment, but larus rocks into the pressure of dorian's hand to test the way it feels, ignoring his thoughts and centering himself in memorizing dorian's responses instead. the way he exhales, when his breath hitches at something he particularly seems to like as larus gives his cock a purposeful squeeze before stroking him. fabric and the angle don't offer much in terms of movement though, and it's almost laughable how content he is to jerk him off like this. like they're desperate teenagers hungry for one another.
larus is quiet as he bears into him, swallowed up by the thunderous sound of dorian's pulse in his ears and the sharp heat of his fingers around him. he should remove them, pin his arms above his head and use his mouth to make him come because it's so much easier to turn the attention away from himself, but for now, he doesn't. he simply gives into it for a while, kissing at dorian's jaw and down his throat again as he presses against him. ]
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The angle is getting frustrating and inconvenient, though, and clothing keeps restricting him in ways he isn't willing to accept. So as soon as there's a chance, Dorian will stop long enough to shift their position, meet the other man's eyes for the briefest moment, and then press Larus into the loveseat cushions beneath them both.]
Faster, [he urges, knowing exactly what it'll take to get him over the edge. Compliance earns Larus a groan, and a further shortening of the breaths leaving him as his heart knocks ever-harder in his chest. As young and virile as his magically-preserved body is, it won't take much of this for him to reach the orgasm he's chasing.]
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rather than search for another kiss, however, he uses his free hand to press against the back of dorian's head, drawing him down so their foreheads gently knock together. he wants to feel his breath, gripping him tighter and stroking faster as the edge of his thumb slides and teases over the head every time. and he's close, so close. because the pleasure of it is overwhelming, because he's always starved for this sort of soft contact. because he wants, and the race of dorian's heart is going to drown him before he can stop it.
second, minutes. larus can't count, but he's aware of the way his fangs pierce into his own tongue the moment he comes, tasting his own blood and eyes squeezed shut. being here, in this place and with dorian... it's going to slowly destroy him, and he doesn't think there's much to be done about it. ]
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He opens his eyes to appreciate the other man's expression, but then closes them again just as quickly as his orgasm crests and takes hold of him. Dorian's breath leaves him in a moan, and he comes between them without any particular care as to where. All he wants in this moment is more closeness to fill the insatiable, empty hole in his core, and he finds some of it in a tipping of his head to capture Larus' lips again. He immediately tastes blood, but the tangy sting of copper seems natural in this moment and doesn't deter him.
It's exquisite, in that this is both somehow erotic and unexpectedly, deeply intimate at the same time. Dorian isn't thinking about much of anything at all at the moment, but when he does, this will be something to reflect on. To try and appreciate exactly what happened here, and what it could mean.
When he pulls away, it's to catch his breath and recover.]
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larus pulls himself free when dorian draws away, only going far enough to drag his clothes into place despite the mess they've made. his shirt is still somewhere on the floor, but he's not so shy as to worry about it. the entire time, a handful of seconds at most, he spends it watching dorian and listening to the slowly easing rhythm of his heartbeat. a cadence he now has memorized, something burned into him like this experience they've just shared. it prompts larus to move in close again, taking dorian's hand and turning the wrist towards him so he can press his mouth there. a kiss, lingering over his pulse. ]
This isn't how I usually get to know someone.
[ murmured against skin, he looks at him with an expression that says as much. this isn't a habit for him, and it never will be. ]
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Speaking as someone who does frequently get to know people this way, I thought it was revealing. [Dorian's mostly flirting, but there's one thing that's evident: the attraction he's been picking up from the vampire is wholly real. Larus clearly knows his way around a man.
More softly, but genuinely, he adds:]
You're beautiful. [Physically, personally. Like it's the most obvious thing in the world.]
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larus feels differently, of course. maybe he hadn't once upon a time, but it's the same kind of thing that sun had flung at him so casually, lured in by his words and the promise of something more. their relationship had never been a sexual one, but it had been charged, deep. it's an unsettling thought when he's sitting with someone he feels he can trust more than that, and larus leans back, his thumb stoking over the spot he's just kissed.
his own smile is fleeting. ]
Is that what it revealed to you, or is there more?
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There's also the fact that he's feeling more agreeable than usual thanks to the deep sense of post-orgasm relaxation still swimming lazily through his veins.]
You've had at least one boyfriend, [Dorian guesses. Larus doesn't strike him as the type to seek out or enjoy casual sex, so his level of comfort with another another man says multiple, repeated experiences with singular partners.]
And you aren't as soft as I wondered about. [He smiles slightly, one corner of his lips pulling up in private amusement.] I felt that when you pushed me back into the couch.
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larus loosens his grasp, stroking lightly along dorian's forearm before gently gripping his elbow and shifting closer. ]
I have someone back home. He's – [ his tone betrays him, a softness that's equally felt if dorian happens to look him in the eye. ] I don't know. He isn't my boyfriend, but I trust him explicitly. I think he would disagree with you about my softness.
[ he lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug, deciding that he's not really in the mood to talk about casimir right now. instead, larus decides that he's not done being close to dorian and moves them in a way he can settle in the other man's lap. ]
I know enough to know what I want.
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I didn't say you weren't still soft, [Dorian clarifies, settling a palm over the top of Larus' thigh as he comes close. He grips at that spot, not hard, but with a present, if muted, desire.] Just not as much as I thought. [A beat.]
I like your tenderness.
[There's very little else he likes more in a man these days, (provided he appreciates their personality for other reasons first, and that tenderness isn't actually flaccidity or a cloying romanticism) besides loyalty.]
Not every man gets to hold onto something like that, after-- [What he's gone through. After losing his life.] everything.
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[ it's quiet, unsure if he really wants to discuss something like that when they're like this. it's not a particularly pleasant topic, pressing into dorian at the grip of his hand on his thigh. larus cups the side of his face, letting his thumb trace the curve of dorian's cheek. his eyes are a pleasing blue, he realizes. ]
That I won't let it take from me, I mean. Not that the specifics really matter.
[ tipping forward, their noses touch, and as much as larus wants to kiss him, he refrains. ] Don't expect it from me all the time.
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There's nothing that kills joy or ages the soul faster than death-- experiencing it, or witnessing it. Dorian knows that, feels that, more deeply than almost anything else.]
I'm not expecting anything. [His tone is smoother, less harsh than the words themselves.]
But the specifics do matter, Larus. Especially in the case of the soul, and those things someone holds onto. [He sighs softly.] They're all that matter, sometimes.
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[ he's not under any delusions that he isn't a monster, that whatever he might have had of such a thing no longer exists with the life he's led. it only means that he has more to prove, more to struggle with, and it's part of the reason why he's so particular about his habits. he's killed and been destroyed in turn, the worst parts of himself present in the shadows.
the tip of his tongue presses to the back of his teeth, the faint taste of blood still lingering. ]
I doubt there's anything left of mine, but trying is all I can do. It's all any of us can do. [ a pause, and his eyes meet dorian's. ] Being with someone who understands that, even a little, makes it easier.
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But he's not quite so ready to pick that part of himself open to share it, yet. More likely than not, it'll tumble out of him at some unexpected time, provoked from him through some argument or moment filled with heightened emotions.
Or maybe Larus is telling him he's picked up on more than he's spoken aloud? Dorian hesitates uncertainly, meeting the young vampire's gaze thoughtfully.]
And who understands that?
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I haven't met them yet. Maybe they don't even exist.
[ and it's been a pointless thing to waste breath on. as much as he loves casimir – and he does love him – there are still so many differences between them. casimir is outspoken and brazen, wearing his ideals on his sleeve while larus prefers to skulk in the dark with his privacy. it's a way to protect himself, which he should be doing with dorian. he could disappear tomorrow, and all of this would have meant absolutely nothing in the scheme of things.
he curls his fingers, gently rubbing his knuckles almost absently along dorian's collarbone. ] At least for me.
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He's not sure there's even a good reason to be paranoid around Larus, anymore. It's mostly a reflexive response by this point in his life.]
Trying is all anyone can do, [Dorian agrees smoothly.] Just living life regardless of what that means for you or what's come before. Regardless of what anyone else has to say, or feels the need to do about it.
[He lets those words sit in silence for a long, contemplative moment. And then, smiling, Dorian wraps a hand around the back of Larus' neck to draw the other man in for a kiss.]
D'you want some tea? [he says, tone suddenly light as he points the conversation in a different direction.] I think I'd like a cup of black.
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I don't want anything, no. But I could make some for you.
[ and deciding to continue not overthinking, he takes dorian by the hand and pulls to draw him to his feet. if he needs the support, larus is there to hold him; it's not as if something like this is incredibly taxing for him, and it's just a continued excuse to keep touching dorian. ]
Where do you keep it? [ he'd never been much of a tea drinker, but he's known several people who are. ]
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You want to make me tea? [He's puzzled, but more entertained and a little surprised than anything else. It's a pleasant gesture, and one he appreciates.]
I've got a tin of loose leaf in the cabinet above the oven. Electric kettle's just there [he indicates the kettle sitting beside the sink] too.
[He makes his way to the island to pull out a chair as he waits. A thoughtful moment later he asks:]
You said you don't sleep, right? Does that mean not at all, or only a negligible amount?
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larus retrieves his shirt on the way to the kitchen and quickly pulls it on before prepping the kettle and the other things he needs for tea. with the tin and a mug – or a cup, whichever he happens to find that suits dorian's tastes – set on the counter, he turns back to look at him. more questions—not that he minds answering that. ]
Not at all. [ it gets tiresome, really. ] But I could if I wanted to. Sometimes, it's nice to do it when I'm with someone.
[ and a lot warmer when his body regulates to the heat he shares with them, almost like he's alive and not some reanimated thing with no pulse. ]
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Still, it's polite and the normal thing to do, though, so he'll spare the room regardless.]
You might enjoy spreading out on the bed in there, [he indicates the guest room.] anyway. It's comfortable, like everything else in here. [And that the dominants are provided with.]
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Are you saying you'd rather sleep alone? Or is that just your preference?
[ not that he's inviting himself into dorian's bed, and before he can see any sort of reaction on his face, larus turns to attend to the tea once more. ]
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interesting that theyโre hesitant about the exact opposite things
they're honestly ridiculous and i love them for it
800% ridiculous and itโs great
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