[ it would be easy to pretend he didn't hear those things and focus on something else. anything else. perhaps how he could nip his teeth into that soft, fragile wrist. perhaps more exploration of dorian's body, what other places his mouth might find that the other man likes. it's a thought, but with the lingering taste of blood on his tongue, he only chooses to ignore the comment about his beauty.
larus feels differently, of course. maybe he hadn't once upon a time, but it's the same kind of thing that sun had flung at him so casually, lured in by his words and the promise of something more. their relationship had never been a sexual one, but it had been charged, deep. it's an unsettling thought when he's sitting with someone he feels he can trust more than that, and larus leans back, his thumb stoking over the spot he's just kissed.
his own smile is fleeting. ]
Is that what it revealed to you, or is there more?
[He can't feel out the reason why Larus might be asking, but it doesn't bother Dorian to be candid about something like this. If someone's interested in his impressions, and it's not something deeply person or related to himself in an unexpected way, he'll give them.
There's also the fact that he's feeling more agreeable than usual thanks to the deep sense of post-orgasm relaxation still swimming lazily through his veins.]
You've had at least one boyfriend, [Dorian guesses. Larus doesn't strike him as the type to seek out or enjoy casual sex, so his level of comfort with another another man says multiple, repeated experiences with singular partners.]
And you aren't as soft as I wondered about. [He smiles slightly, one corner of his lips pulling up in private amusement.] I felt that when you pushed me back into the couch.
[ does he want to share more with him? the pleasant haze of their encounter is already trying to wash itself away, but larus doesn't want to let it go just yet, searching for something to say that's more a non-answer than the truth. yet, as he'd told dorian before, there's no point in lying. not about this, not about much of anything.
larus loosens his grasp, stroking lightly along dorian's forearm before gently gripping his elbow and shifting closer. ]
I have someone back home. He's – [ his tone betrays him, a softness that's equally felt if dorian happens to look him in the eye. ] I don't know. He isn't my boyfriend, but I trust him explicitly. I think he would disagree with you about my softness.
[ he lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug, deciding that he's not really in the mood to talk about casimir right now. instead, larus decides that he's not done being close to dorian and moves them in a way he can settle in the other man's lap. ]
[The mention of a significant other is interesting, it's just that Larus pressing back into his lap is more interesting.]
I didn't say you weren't still soft, [Dorian clarifies, settling a palm over the top of Larus' thigh as he comes close. He grips at that spot, not hard, but with a present, if muted, desire.] Just not as much as I thought. [A beat.]
I like your tenderness.
[There's very little else he likes more in a man these days, (provided he appreciates their personality for other reasons first, and that tenderness isn't actually flaccidity or a cloying romanticism) besides loyalty.]
Not every man gets to hold onto something like that, after-- [What he's gone through. After losing his life.] everything.
[ it's quiet, unsure if he really wants to discuss something like that when they're like this. it's not a particularly pleasant topic, pressing into dorian at the grip of his hand on his thigh. larus cups the side of his face, letting his thumb trace the curve of dorian's cheek. his eyes are a pleasing blue, he realizes. ]
That I won't let it take from me, I mean. Not that the specifics really matter.
[ tipping forward, their noses touch, and as much as larus wants to kiss him, he refrains. ] Don't expect it from me all the time.
[Such a pronouncement would be more impressive to him if Larus were older, but it's not not impressive.
There's nothing that kills joy or ages the soul faster than death-- experiencing it, or witnessing it. Dorian knows that, feels that, more deeply than almost anything else.]
I'm not expecting anything. [His tone is smoother, less harsh than the words themselves.]
But the specifics do matter, Larus. Especially in the case of the soul, and those things someone holds onto. [He sighs softly.] They're all that matter, sometimes.
[ he's not under any delusions that he isn't a monster, that whatever he might have had of such a thing no longer exists with the life he's led. it only means that he has more to prove, more to struggle with, and it's part of the reason why he's so particular about his habits. he's killed and been destroyed in turn, the worst parts of himself present in the shadows.
the tip of his tongue presses to the back of his teeth, the faint taste of blood still lingering. ]
I doubt there's anything left of mine, but trying is all I can do. It's all any of us can do. [ a pause, and his eyes meet dorian's. ] Being with someone who understands that, even a little, makes it easier.
But he's not quite so ready to pick that part of himself open to share it, yet. More likely than not, it'll tumble out of him at some unexpected time, provoked from him through some argument or moment filled with heightened emotions.
Or maybe Larus is telling him he's picked up on more than he's spoken aloud? Dorian hesitates uncertainly, meeting the young vampire's gaze thoughtfully.]
[ whatever he's picked up on, it's certainly not the truth dorian keeps to himself. not yet. ]
I haven't met them yet. Maybe they don't even exist.
[ and it's been a pointless thing to waste breath on. as much as he loves casimir – and he does love him – there are still so many differences between them. casimir is outspoken and brazen, wearing his ideals on his sleeve while larus prefers to skulk in the dark with his privacy. it's a way to protect himself, which he should be doing with dorian. he could disappear tomorrow, and all of this would have meant absolutely nothing in the scheme of things.
he curls his fingers, gently rubbing his knuckles almost absently along dorian's collarbone. ] At least for me.
[The light tension that had gathered in the immortal's shoulders releases slowly. He's being paranoid.
He's not sure there's even a good reason to be paranoid around Larus, anymore. It's mostly a reflexive response by this point in his life.]
Trying is all anyone can do, [Dorian agrees smoothly.] Just living life regardless of what that means for you or what's come before. Regardless of what anyone else has to say, or feels the need to do about it.
[He lets those words sit in silence for a long, contemplative moment. And then, smiling, Dorian wraps a hand around the back of Larus' neck to draw the other man in for a kiss.]
D'you want some tea? [he says, tone suddenly light as he points the conversation in a different direction.] I think I'd like a cup of black.
[ he picks up on that implication easily enough, sort of grateful for the topic change. there's nothing else he wants to say about it anyway, kissing him once more before slowly sliding off his lap. it's strange to think it's not actually what he wants, but there's more time to figure things out between them. besides, larus needs to spend a while rebuilding his defenses. ]
I don't want anything, no. But I could make some for you.
[ and deciding to continue not overthinking, he takes dorian by the hand and pulls to draw him to his feet. if he needs the support, larus is there to hold him; it's not as if something like this is incredibly taxing for him, and it's just a continued excuse to keep touching dorian. ]
Where do you keep it? [ he'd never been much of a tea drinker, but he's known several people who are. ]
[The pull to his feet is more helpful than he's expecting while his body is still reorienting in the wake of afterglow. Reflexively, Dorian smooths out his clothes and plucks his shirt up from the floor.]
You want to make me tea? [He's puzzled, but more entertained and a little surprised than anything else. It's a pleasant gesture, and one he appreciates.]
I've got a tin of loose leaf in the cabinet above the oven. Electric kettle's just there [he indicates the kettle sitting beside the sink] too.
[He makes his way to the island to pull out a chair as he waits. A thoughtful moment later he asks:]
You said you don't sleep, right? Does that mean not at all, or only a negligible amount?
[ there's hardly any effort in it, having found that he likes the routine of simple, normal things. not that he wastes it on himself since there wouldn't be any point, but it's good to do them every so often for someone else.
larus retrieves his shirt on the way to the kitchen and quickly pulls it on before prepping the kettle and the other things he needs for tea. with the tin and a mug – or a cup, whichever he happens to find that suits dorian's tastes – set on the counter, he turns back to look at him. more questions—not that he minds answering that. ]
Not at all. [ it gets tiresome, really. ] But I could if I wanted to. Sometimes, it's nice to do it when I'm with someone.
[ and a lot warmer when his body regulates to the heat he shares with them, almost like he's alive and not some reanimated thing with no pulse. ]
[Well, no need for him to try and rustle up fresh linens for the guest bed then. If Larus decides to accept his invitation to stay the night (mostly the day, it sounded like) there isn't much point in offering him a bed, period.
Still, it's polite and the normal thing to do, though, so he'll spare the room regardless.]
You might enjoy spreading out on the bed in there, [he indicates the guest room.] anyway. It's comfortable, like everything else in here. [And that the dominants are provided with.]
[ comfortable. larus is not so familiar with the word these days, stepping away from his task to move closer to the counter near dorian and lean against it. he looks at him for a moment, clearly thinking and trying to discern where their boundaries are. he could ask, but there's also something about the mystery of it that draws his curiosity. debating, finally, there's the smallest of smiles. ]
Are you saying you'd rather sleep alone? Or is that just your preference?
[ not that he's inviting himself into dorian's bed, and before he can see any sort of reaction on his face, larus turns to attend to the tea once more. ]
[This early in knowing someone else, strong immediate connection or not, he would. He still has nightmares and night terrors frequently enough that it’s a vulnerable place for him.]
Are you saying you want to sleep with me?
[He smiles back, small and sly.]
Not that I’d blame you, of course. Beds are where I do my best work.
No. [ the answer comes bluntly, no tension visible in larus as he works with his back to him. ] But I'm considering it.
[ if briefly. having an intimate moment doesn't necessitate a need for more, but it is a requirement of this place. and beyond that, he genuinely likes dorian. (which he still finds somewhat surprising considering himself.) there's attraction and numerous other things that draw larus to him. it's not asking to bear deep secrets or anything along those lines either, and he can't help wondering where such a relationship would go between them. ]
Although, [ and he turns to set the tea in front of dorian. ] there's nothing keeping you from joining me in your guest room if that's something that interests you.
He would, yes, but the inevitable point is that his ribald deflection has been defused.
Drawing a breath, Dorian lays a hand out on the marble countertop before him, smoothing his fingers over the chilly and flawless surface. Thinking.]
I don’t sleep well these days, [he confesses in an even tone, after a moment.] If you’ve ever had the type of nightmare where you either wake up talking to your demons, or like there’s something laid out over you and holding you down… it’s like that.
[ larus isn't good at this part of things, he knows. comforting someone or offering whatever bits of solace they might find in his words. he's spent too many years trying to close that part of himself off, and even recently, when he was with casimir, it never fully stuck as the natural thing to do. he'd get teased for it, if affectionately.
gently, he rests a hand atop dorian's after hovering there for a moment.]
I understand. [ and he does. when he closes his eyes, he always feels that ever-present weight of his maker, like he expects to see him standing there if he were to look again. ] And I realize it might have nothing to do with it, but there's nothing you could do to hurt me.
[ short of tearing his heart out that is. ]
interesting that they’re hesitant about the exact opposite things
[His own strength compared to Larus—- compared to any vampire, really, is probably laughable. He knows he couldn’t hurt the other man.
But that’s not the issue. His eyes drop to the chill hand on his own for a moment, considering the offering of warmth and intimacy in the form of smooth skin, before rising to meet Larus’ gaze again.]
It’s not that that I’m concerned about.
[If he wakes up talking to Lucifer or Toby, it would bare so much of his soul at once that he doesn’t know how he’d recover.]
Not tonight, Larus. [But it’s not off the table forever.]
they're honestly ridiculous and i love them for it
[ larus doesn't see it as a rejection or anything close to it. there's more that he doesn't have access to yet, information that he just can't decipher based on their interactions thus far. he gives dorian's hand a squeeze and retreats as smoothly as only someone like him can, crossing his arms loosely over his chest as he rests a hip against the counter. ]
Tell me about it when you're ready. [ where else does he plan to go anyway? ] Drink your tea. I can still keep you company a while longer.
[ he hasn't decided if he actually will stay with him through the day or return to the down to wait it out until he can see him again. because he will, at the very least. he wants to. ]
Yes, sir, [he says, but it’s offered fondly rather than flippantly or mockingly.
And it is a rather nice cup of tea. Bringing it up to his lips, Dorian blows on it lightly before taking a small sip. Hot tea after sex, and while he still has good company. There are worse things in the world.]
Could have done with a squeeze of lemon, [he smiles at Larus, openly teasing him now] but not bad for someone who doesn’t take their own anymore.
[ larus sighs very softly, the slightest quirk to his lips. ]
You never said anything about lemon. But I'll keep it in mind if I make you more tea in the future.
[ it's almost pleasant now, standing in this absurdly rich kitchen with dorian and having no expectations between them. larus is still tempted to stay, but feeling trapped is not something he enjoys either. there would be nothing to do aside from spend time with dorian, get to know him and listen to him play something from his world. perhaps he could ask him about that too, though it's not so much on his mind as the rest of it.
there's the itch to touch him again, but he keeps his hands tucked neatly in his arms. ]
I could have it if it was mostly blood. I think that would ruin the smell though.
[He appreciates Larus’ situation, but he doubts the man would enjoy him saying so. At least vampires in his world can still eat human food and drink human drinks.]
Sit with me, he encourages, touching the seat at the island beside him.]
I don’t think it would be hard to find something that goes with the taste of blood. A blend with spice of some kind or cloves in it, maybe. [Dorian sips at his tea again, exhaling. He doesn’t know if anything could improve upon the taste of blood -sharp, metallic, and sickening in large quantities as it is- but he’s willing to make an attempt. Precisely because] There’s going to be more than enough time to think about things like that.
[Unless one, or both of them gets sent home, but he’s not going to lead with that presumption. Whenever he gets lured somewhere or taken to a place against his will, there’s always a reason.]
[ there's only the slightest hesitation to join him, circling around and sliding into the seat quietly. dorian's suggestion piques his interest somewhat, but it's not something he wishes for either of them to pursue right now. maybe not ever. larus' issues with his bloodlust exceed any sort of kindness one might give him, and more than that, he doesn't want it to taint the potential he has with dorian. ]
I don't know if I want to think about them, [ he says eventually, voice particularly quiet.] There are other things I can enjoy that don't involve blood at all.
[ larus makes eye contact with dorian then, always thinking about something. his next move, his next words. the look he gives him is surprisingly soft despite his distaste of the topic of conversation, but this has nothing to do with the man sitting next to him and everything to do with himself. ]
I should try to make an effort while I'm here. It's why I agreed to see you that first time. [ otherwise, he would have kept to himself. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
larus feels differently, of course. maybe he hadn't once upon a time, but it's the same kind of thing that sun had flung at him so casually, lured in by his words and the promise of something more. their relationship had never been a sexual one, but it had been charged, deep. it's an unsettling thought when he's sitting with someone he feels he can trust more than that, and larus leans back, his thumb stoking over the spot he's just kissed.
his own smile is fleeting. ]
Is that what it revealed to you, or is there more?
no subject
There's also the fact that he's feeling more agreeable than usual thanks to the deep sense of post-orgasm relaxation still swimming lazily through his veins.]
You've had at least one boyfriend, [Dorian guesses. Larus doesn't strike him as the type to seek out or enjoy casual sex, so his level of comfort with another another man says multiple, repeated experiences with singular partners.]
And you aren't as soft as I wondered about. [He smiles slightly, one corner of his lips pulling up in private amusement.] I felt that when you pushed me back into the couch.
no subject
larus loosens his grasp, stroking lightly along dorian's forearm before gently gripping his elbow and shifting closer. ]
I have someone back home. He's – [ his tone betrays him, a softness that's equally felt if dorian happens to look him in the eye. ] I don't know. He isn't my boyfriend, but I trust him explicitly. I think he would disagree with you about my softness.
[ he lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug, deciding that he's not really in the mood to talk about casimir right now. instead, larus decides that he's not done being close to dorian and moves them in a way he can settle in the other man's lap. ]
I know enough to know what I want.
no subject
I didn't say you weren't still soft, [Dorian clarifies, settling a palm over the top of Larus' thigh as he comes close. He grips at that spot, not hard, but with a present, if muted, desire.] Just not as much as I thought. [A beat.]
I like your tenderness.
[There's very little else he likes more in a man these days, (provided he appreciates their personality for other reasons first, and that tenderness isn't actually flaccidity or a cloying romanticism) besides loyalty.]
Not every man gets to hold onto something like that, after-- [What he's gone through. After losing his life.] everything.
no subject
[ it's quiet, unsure if he really wants to discuss something like that when they're like this. it's not a particularly pleasant topic, pressing into dorian at the grip of his hand on his thigh. larus cups the side of his face, letting his thumb trace the curve of dorian's cheek. his eyes are a pleasing blue, he realizes. ]
That I won't let it take from me, I mean. Not that the specifics really matter.
[ tipping forward, their noses touch, and as much as larus wants to kiss him, he refrains. ] Don't expect it from me all the time.
no subject
There's nothing that kills joy or ages the soul faster than death-- experiencing it, or witnessing it. Dorian knows that, feels that, more deeply than almost anything else.]
I'm not expecting anything. [His tone is smoother, less harsh than the words themselves.]
But the specifics do matter, Larus. Especially in the case of the soul, and those things someone holds onto. [He sighs softly.] They're all that matter, sometimes.
no subject
[ he's not under any delusions that he isn't a monster, that whatever he might have had of such a thing no longer exists with the life he's led. it only means that he has more to prove, more to struggle with, and it's part of the reason why he's so particular about his habits. he's killed and been destroyed in turn, the worst parts of himself present in the shadows.
the tip of his tongue presses to the back of his teeth, the faint taste of blood still lingering. ]
I doubt there's anything left of mine, but trying is all I can do. It's all any of us can do. [ a pause, and his eyes meet dorian's. ] Being with someone who understands that, even a little, makes it easier.
no subject
But he's not quite so ready to pick that part of himself open to share it, yet. More likely than not, it'll tumble out of him at some unexpected time, provoked from him through some argument or moment filled with heightened emotions.
Or maybe Larus is telling him he's picked up on more than he's spoken aloud? Dorian hesitates uncertainly, meeting the young vampire's gaze thoughtfully.]
And who understands that?
no subject
I haven't met them yet. Maybe they don't even exist.
[ and it's been a pointless thing to waste breath on. as much as he loves casimir – and he does love him – there are still so many differences between them. casimir is outspoken and brazen, wearing his ideals on his sleeve while larus prefers to skulk in the dark with his privacy. it's a way to protect himself, which he should be doing with dorian. he could disappear tomorrow, and all of this would have meant absolutely nothing in the scheme of things.
he curls his fingers, gently rubbing his knuckles almost absently along dorian's collarbone. ] At least for me.
no subject
He's not sure there's even a good reason to be paranoid around Larus, anymore. It's mostly a reflexive response by this point in his life.]
Trying is all anyone can do, [Dorian agrees smoothly.] Just living life regardless of what that means for you or what's come before. Regardless of what anyone else has to say, or feels the need to do about it.
[He lets those words sit in silence for a long, contemplative moment. And then, smiling, Dorian wraps a hand around the back of Larus' neck to draw the other man in for a kiss.]
D'you want some tea? [he says, tone suddenly light as he points the conversation in a different direction.] I think I'd like a cup of black.
no subject
I don't want anything, no. But I could make some for you.
[ and deciding to continue not overthinking, he takes dorian by the hand and pulls to draw him to his feet. if he needs the support, larus is there to hold him; it's not as if something like this is incredibly taxing for him, and it's just a continued excuse to keep touching dorian. ]
Where do you keep it? [ he'd never been much of a tea drinker, but he's known several people who are. ]
no subject
You want to make me tea? [He's puzzled, but more entertained and a little surprised than anything else. It's a pleasant gesture, and one he appreciates.]
I've got a tin of loose leaf in the cabinet above the oven. Electric kettle's just there [he indicates the kettle sitting beside the sink] too.
[He makes his way to the island to pull out a chair as he waits. A thoughtful moment later he asks:]
You said you don't sleep, right? Does that mean not at all, or only a negligible amount?
no subject
larus retrieves his shirt on the way to the kitchen and quickly pulls it on before prepping the kettle and the other things he needs for tea. with the tin and a mug – or a cup, whichever he happens to find that suits dorian's tastes – set on the counter, he turns back to look at him. more questions—not that he minds answering that. ]
Not at all. [ it gets tiresome, really. ] But I could if I wanted to. Sometimes, it's nice to do it when I'm with someone.
[ and a lot warmer when his body regulates to the heat he shares with them, almost like he's alive and not some reanimated thing with no pulse. ]
no subject
Still, it's polite and the normal thing to do, though, so he'll spare the room regardless.]
You might enjoy spreading out on the bed in there, [he indicates the guest room.] anyway. It's comfortable, like everything else in here. [And that the dominants are provided with.]
no subject
Are you saying you'd rather sleep alone? Or is that just your preference?
[ not that he's inviting himself into dorian's bed, and before he can see any sort of reaction on his face, larus turns to attend to the tea once more. ]
no subject
Are you saying you want to sleep with me?
[He smiles back, small and sly.]
Not that I’d blame you, of course. Beds are where I do my best work.
no subject
[ if briefly. having an intimate moment doesn't necessitate a need for more, but it is a requirement of this place. and beyond that, he genuinely likes dorian. (which he still finds somewhat surprising considering himself.) there's attraction and numerous other things that draw larus to him. it's not asking to bear deep secrets or anything along those lines either, and he can't help wondering where such a relationship would go between them. ]
Although, [ and he turns to set the tea in front of dorian. ] there's nothing keeping you from joining me in your guest room if that's something that interests you.
no subject
He would, yes, but the inevitable point is that his ribald deflection has been defused.
Drawing a breath, Dorian lays a hand out on the marble countertop before him, smoothing his fingers over the chilly and flawless surface. Thinking.]
I don’t sleep well these days, [he confesses in an even tone, after a moment.] If you’ve ever had the type of nightmare where you either wake up talking to your demons, or like there’s something laid out over you and holding you down… it’s like that.
no subject
gently, he rests a hand atop dorian's after hovering there for a moment.]
I understand. [ and he does. when he closes his eyes, he always feels that ever-present weight of his maker, like he expects to see him standing there if he were to look again. ] And I realize it might have nothing to do with it, but there's nothing you could do to hurt me.
[ short of tearing his heart out that is. ]
interesting that they’re hesitant about the exact opposite things
But that’s not the issue. His eyes drop to the chill hand on his own for a moment, considering the offering of warmth and intimacy in the form of smooth skin, before rising to meet Larus’ gaze again.]
It’s not that that I’m concerned about.
[If he wakes up talking to Lucifer or Toby, it would bare so much of his soul at once that he doesn’t know how he’d recover.]
Not tonight, Larus. [But it’s not off the table forever.]
they're honestly ridiculous and i love them for it
Tell me about it when you're ready. [ where else does he plan to go anyway? ] Drink your tea. I can still keep you company a while longer.
[ he hasn't decided if he actually will stay with him through the day or return to the down to wait it out until he can see him again. because he will, at the very least. he wants to. ]
800% ridiculous and it’s great
And it is a rather nice cup of tea. Bringing it up to his lips, Dorian blows on it lightly before taking a small sip. Hot tea after sex, and while he still has good company. There are worse things in the world.]
Could have done with a squeeze of lemon, [he smiles at Larus, openly teasing him now] but not bad for someone who doesn’t take their own anymore.
no subject
You never said anything about lemon. But I'll keep it in mind if I make you more tea in the future.
[ it's almost pleasant now, standing in this absurdly rich kitchen with dorian and having no expectations between them. larus is still tempted to stay, but feeling trapped is not something he enjoys either. there would be nothing to do aside from spend time with dorian, get to know him and listen to him play something from his world. perhaps he could ask him about that too, though it's not so much on his mind as the rest of it.
there's the itch to touch him again, but he keeps his hands tucked neatly in his arms. ]
I could have it if it was mostly blood. I think that would ruin the smell though.
no subject
Sit with me, he encourages, touching the seat at the island beside him.]
I don’t think it would be hard to find something that goes with the taste of blood. A blend with spice of some kind or cloves in it, maybe. [Dorian sips at his tea again, exhaling. He doesn’t know if anything could improve upon the taste of blood -sharp, metallic, and sickening in large quantities as it is- but he’s willing to make an attempt. Precisely because] There’s going to be more than enough time to think about things like that.
[Unless one, or both of them gets sent home, but he’s not going to lead with that presumption. Whenever he gets lured somewhere or taken to a place against his will, there’s always a reason.]
no subject
I don't know if I want to think about them, [ he says eventually, voice particularly quiet.] There are other things I can enjoy that don't involve blood at all.
[ larus makes eye contact with dorian then, always thinking about something. his next move, his next words. the look he gives him is surprisingly soft despite his distaste of the topic of conversation, but this has nothing to do with the man sitting next to him and everything to do with himself. ]
I should try to make an effort while I'm here. It's why I agreed to see you that first time. [ otherwise, he would have kept to himself. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)