[ Maybe that's all it is. A mask, a front. Something to hide behind to protect himself. There's no point to any of it when he's with Carver though, or when he's here in this place. Still, he seeks out the gentleness of Carver's touch and the warmth that comes with it, unwilling to speak for the seconds it takes him to lean forward and kiss him.
He kisses him until he knows he's breathless and then slowly pulls away to move onto his side next to Carver. ]
Nothing is ever that easy. [ His focus is all on the man beside him. ] But this is. I don't know why it's like that.
[ There’s no room for thinking when they move together like this. Carver cups a hand to the back of Larus’s neck as they kiss. He goes a little breathless and doesn’t mind, doesn’t do a damn thing but settle.
Funny, that. It’s so rare for him to slow down long enough for that.
He cracks his eyes, just watching Larus. Taking him in. ]
[ He doubts that but says nothing about it, wanting to kiss him again. All of this is more than something that happens now, resting his weight on an elbow and using his free hand to reach out and touch Carver's face. His thumb sweeps along his cheek, his jaw. ]
Do you really believe that?
[ Larus wonders if it's anything like fate and if Carver believes in that too. ]
[ He shifts a little so he can run his fingers through Larus's hair again. Keep up the gesture. It's almost meditative now. Something calming even as Larus touches him in turn. Tracing him out. Carver doesn't mind. It's what they do, what they've done for a while now.
The pattern builds. It stretches out. ]
Some things you just survive. It just is.
[ All that awful, brutal shit. It can't be changed, so you endure. He watches for a long time, just touching his hair. Rubbing at his head. Then: ]
[ He can't help the way his eyes close, how it'd be easy to press closer and drag Carver's arms around him. Just to feel that connection, to be secure in this place that's still strange to them both. It doesn't filter in all at once, but Larus realizes, in that very moment, that he's tired. Tired of the games, the masks, this strained sort of existence.
But being free of it means death, and he doesn't want to die. ]
Maybe. [ The agreement is soft. ] I never let myself think about those things, but it's different with you.
[ Carver nods just once. It wasn't like this at the start. He approached Larus because he was paid to and that should have been the end of it. But it spiraled. It shifted into something different. ]
It is.
[ He's quiet for a long moment, then shifts and puts an arm around Larus. ]
Don't know what it means. But I like how it feels with you.
[ It's a quiet moment, something that's pulled even tighter when Carver embraces him, and he leans close, breathing him in and listening to the gentle sound of his heart beating. These are things he'll never forget, doesn't want to forget. It's odd how intense that feeling is right now. ]
Tell me what else you like.
[ An obvious deflection, though he presses his mouth to the column of Carver's throat to soften it. ]
[ Carver huffs a little, tipping his head back to bare his throat. With anyone else, it would be a threat. Something to be met viciously. Here, it’s just a continuation. And he closes his eyes, settling. ]
Oh, I see how it is. [ A light tease. He runs his fingers through Larus’s hair. Always, always gentle. ] Mhmm. I like this. How you fuck me. When you let me fuck you. How it feels when you grab my hair.
[ Good, tactile things. It matters. He’s quiet for a moment, still touching Larus’s hair. ]
I like how you tell me the truth, [ he adds, a little softer. ]
[ He thinks about sinking his teeth in, tasting him and repeating this thing that's gotten them this far. The feeling is always, always there, but he ignores it, almost gentle as he kisses a path upward. Larus presses his lips to Carver's jaw, his chin. His fingers find their way into his hair, and he draws their faces close. ]
I like those things too. [ It's almost difficult to admit, his voice oddly thick. ] Being with you is –
[ His eyes settle on him. ] I've never had this with anyone else.
[ That sits between them for a long moment. Carver just pulls Larus tighter to him, breathing out slow. They're both more dressed than not. It ought to be awkward but it isn't somehow. It just is. ]
[ He doesn't know how to answer that for a while, settling against him instead and sinking into Carver's embrace until there's nothing else to think about but this. Larus wonders if any of this is going to last, if it actually means something. Outside of the sex, they haven't really done much else together.
Tipping his head, he presses his lips to Carver's jaw. ]
I want it to be. [ There's an even longer pause. ] How do you feel about a date?
[ It's not something he'd considered either, but it feels right to ask, leaning into the fingers in his hair. If this is something that's going to happen between them, maybe they should try to make it more. ]
I don't know. I never had time to do those things back home. [ Larus looks at him. ] What would you want to do?
[ He knows, realistically, that it shouldn't a hard question. People go out all the time. They do this shit even in weird places like Duplicity. And he did this shit once, with Riley. With a couple other people in high school. So just pick something. ]
Me and Riley used to go out and play darts, [ he says finally. ] You wanna do that?
Larus pushes back enough to balance on an elbow and really look at Carver's face, his knuckles gently pressing into the curve of his cheek. They shouldn't be having this conversation, not when they're only agreeing to continue doing this thing between them, but it seems like a natural progression of things. ]
You'll have to show me how to play.
[ Quiet agreement, and he tilts forward to kiss him. ]
[ That gets a faint smile as Carver hums into the kiss, cupping his hand to the back of Larus’s neck. He likes the idea of teaching Larus something new. ]
I can do that, [ he agrees softly. ] I’d offer to cook for you, or something, but I don’t think you eat.
[ There are plenty of things he doesn't know, things he could learn if he took the time, but it had always taken a backburner to the life he'd chosen back home. As always, this is different. All he needs to do is to look ahead, focus on the things that are important here, and Larus leans into him again, content to let the conversation just... happen. ]
Not anymore. [ But there's appreciation in his tone that Carver would even offer. ] Is that something you like doing?
Yeah, [ Carver agrees softly, and closes his eyes. He likes this, he thinks. The closeness. How they can just hold each other sometimes. ] My grandma taught me. I’m good at it. Calms me down.
[ Not much does these days. ]
And having good food matters when people are starving. I could do that for them.
[ Larus is quiet for a moment, taking in the contact and the words. Every little detail that Carver gives him is tucked away, tipping his head to lightly press his mouth to the curve of his jaw, the corner of his mouth. ]
Maybe I can try it one day. [ Somehow. If something in this city ever allowed him that. ] Or I could make you tea. I still remember a few things about being alive.
[ He didn't drink it before the world ended but after it was something they scavenged, something novel and good. A break to the momentum when things were rough. He trails his fingers absently over Larus's back, just holding him. Eyes still closed. ]
[ There's a soft hum in response, something easy and light and agreeable. He's strangely content to stay like this, Carver's arms around him and his face tucked close. Larus shifts to press his forehead against his shoulder, knowing that this moment isn't going to last as soon as the sun comes up.
[ For a moment, Carver doesn’t say anything. He just holds, trailing his fingers over the lines of Larus’s back. Holding him. He doesn’t do this much, with anyone. It doesn’t come easily. ]
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He kisses him until he knows he's breathless and then slowly pulls away to move onto his side next to Carver. ]
Nothing is ever that easy. [ His focus is all on the man beside him. ] But this is. I don't know why it's like that.
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Funny, that. It’s so rare for him to slow down long enough for that.
He cracks his eyes, just watching Larus. Taking him in. ]
Neither do I. Maybe it just is.
[ Collision. Aftermath. This. ]
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Do you really believe that?
[ Larus wonders if it's anything like fate and if Carver believes in that too. ]
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The pattern builds. It stretches out. ]
Some things you just survive. It just is.
[ All that awful, brutal shit. It can't be changed, so you endure. He watches for a long time, just touching his hair. Rubbing at his head. Then: ]
So maybe that's true for the good stuff too.
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But being free of it means death, and he doesn't want to die. ]
Maybe. [ The agreement is soft. ] I never let myself think about those things, but it's different with you.
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It is.
[ He's quiet for a long moment, then shifts and puts an arm around Larus. ]
Don't know what it means. But I like how it feels with you.
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Tell me what else you like.
[ An obvious deflection, though he presses his mouth to the column of Carver's throat to soften it. ]
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Oh, I see how it is. [ A light tease. He runs his fingers through Larus’s hair. Always, always gentle. ] Mhmm. I like this. How you fuck me. When you let me fuck you. How it feels when you grab my hair.
[ Good, tactile things. It matters. He’s quiet for a moment, still touching Larus’s hair. ]
I like how you tell me the truth, [ he adds, a little softer. ]
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I like those things too. [ It's almost difficult to admit, his voice oddly thick. ] Being with you is –
[ His eyes settle on him. ] I've never had this with anyone else.
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Is that okay?
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Tipping his head, he presses his lips to Carver's jaw. ]
I want it to be. [ There's an even longer pause. ] How do you feel about a date?
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Doing what?
[ He and Riley used to go out sometimes, but that was a lifetime ago. ]
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I don't know. I never had time to do those things back home. [ Larus looks at him. ] What would you want to do?
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Me and Riley used to go out and play darts, [ he says finally. ] You wanna do that?
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Larus pushes back enough to balance on an elbow and really look at Carver's face, his knuckles gently pressing into the curve of his cheek. They shouldn't be having this conversation, not when they're only agreeing to continue doing this thing between them, but it seems like a natural progression of things. ]
You'll have to show me how to play.
[ Quiet agreement, and he tilts forward to kiss him. ]
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I can do that, [ he agrees softly. ] I’d offer to cook for you, or something, but I don’t think you eat.
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Not anymore. [ But there's appreciation in his tone that Carver would even offer. ] Is that something you like doing?
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[ Not much does these days. ]
And having good food matters when people are starving. I could do that for them.
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Maybe I can try it one day. [ Somehow. If something in this city ever allowed him that. ] Or I could make you tea. I still remember a few things about being alive.
[ Does Carver even drink tea? He doesn't know. ]
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[ He didn't drink it before the world ended but after it was something they scavenged, something novel and good. A break to the momentum when things were rough. He trails his fingers absently over Larus's back, just holding him. Eyes still closed. ]
I'd like that.
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At least the tent hasn't let him burn thus far. ]
If I asked you to stay, would you?
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Yeah.
[ It comes out soft. ]
You gonna be okay in here?
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I have been, [ he answers, his voice equally quiet. ] But it gets warm, and I can't leave.
[ He'd rather not have a repeat of their last encounter so soon. ]
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[ It’s been decided and so that makes it simple. He’s got nowhere else he wants to go, anyway. ]
Do you…rest, or something? Or are you awake the whole time?
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I don't usually sleep. [ His fingertips graze along the edge of Carver's jaw. ] But I could try with you.
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