[Larus isn't wrong about there being wounds worse than any dealt to the flesh. There's still a temptation to insist that he's unbreakable and come through more in over a century than Larus could probably conceive of, but right now he'd rather try and keep the other man from pulling away emotionally.
Frowning, he watches Larus' face closely.]
Then keep me safe. [He catches Larus' hand lightly and wraps fingers around it.] If you fall into a pool of blood, I'll pull you out, and you can keep going from there.
[ their experiences shape them, of course, and it isn't the first time that he's reminded of that. different worlds, different lives. somehow, they've come together in this one, and he should really do his best to remain present with him. this room and this building—they're the closest thing larus has had to a real home in a very long time, which makes it difficult to adjust to. but he's made a conscious effort to keep communication open between them, to always come back to dorian, and he shouldn't shut it down now, glancing at the hand curled around his before meeting his eyes. ]
I don't know where to go from here. [ he needs to think about what's happened, revisit the places he'd killed those people in. but — ] Will you stay?
[ even if dorian didn't look the part of someone planning to go out, he would have asked. this is as close to vulnerable as he can be right now. ]
[He had been planning on heading out for the morning, but those plans stuttered to a halt when Larus had come back to himself. Now he just wants to be present with the other man.]
I'll stay, [he confirms. The hand at the base of of Larus' neck shifts slightly then, brushing up against blood-hardened strands. His fingers pause. It's strange, but it's this small touch that makes him suddenly aware of the amount of dried blood caking various parts of the vampire's form. Getting rid of that may be the easiest first step to deciding what to do next.]
A shower might be a good place to start, if nothing else. [A slightly wry, but still softer than usual, look tugs at his features as he looks Larus over.] I can take your clothes and either send them for cleaning, or throw them out, too.
[ the confirmation is something good, at least. he relaxes a little, and then, with the mention of a shower, he remembers the blood in his hair. where else is it? across his face? down his shirt? it's more than likely soaked into his pants, aware of the old smell of it dried into the fabric, and it's an absent thought that he hopes none of it had rubbed off on dorian with their embrace.
slowly, he disengages from him. ]
I'll do that first. [ it leaves him in a bizarrely shy fashion, keeping his eyes elsewhere other than dorian and focusing on the sound of the kettle in the kitchen. ] You should have your tea.
[ there's no response about his clothes because he's definitely throwing them out as soon as he's finished.
larus gives dorian one last glance before moving off down the hallway towards his own room, not bothering with shutting the door or even closing himself off in the adjacent bathroom. it's always an unspoken invitation, stripping out of everything he's wearing and letting the water of the shower soak through every inch of him. he's in there longer than usual, trying to order his thoughts, and by the time he reemerges, larus feels marginally more himself, searching out dorian like a moth to a flame. after having spent so long confined to a room, he simply wants to be close to someone else for a while. ]
[It's been a rough few days. For Larus most of all, but as soon as Dorian's left alone in the sitting room, a blanket of both relief and exhaustion settles heavily over his shoulders. As is usually the case when he's in a situation where he feels primed for action at every moment, he's hardly noticed the wear on him the past few days have been. He does go into the kitchen to stop the kettle from whistling shrilly, but rather than a tea, he fixes himself a coffee instead, feeling the need for something stronger.
He's gathered up on the loveseat when Larus returns some extended time later, a chilling cup of coffee sitting untouched on the nearby low table, a newspaper fallen messily into Dorian's lap, and his cheek leaning heavily into the butt of his palm upon propped elbow. He hadn't meant to doze off, exactly, but after several days of middling sleep and with the sudden releasing of emotional pressure, it'd happened anyway.
It's the awkwardness of the position, and the gentle creaking of the carpeted floor under a person's weight that start to rouse him. And then his elbow slips and the resulting jerk of motion brings him back with a start. Dorian blinks a few bleary and confused times, and then exhales, stretching back into the couch and rubbing a palm into an eye.
His brain is struggling to creak back into motion, but he looks up at Larus. Surveys his much cleaner, and normal-looking appearance. That's no gauge of someone's emotional state, but it's a start.]
[ listening to his heartbeat, as always, is a comfort, and larus takes a moment to take in the sight before him: dorian exhausted and half-asleep. an obvious look at what must have been just as equally taxing as it had been for larus but in a different way. he pauses just steps from the loveseat, letting him look and meeting his eyes with something of an apology there. unspoken, of course, because he has yet to decide how he wants to broach that particular topic with him, and he wonders if it's even something to bring up. would he accept it? would there just be another instance of deflection in a way larus has slowly started to become accustomed to?
his expression softens, pushing some of his damp hair out of his face. ]
A little.
[ but he thinks he'll be even better once he's had time to readjust to the freedom he's gotten used to, keeping himself only slightly detached from it all as he moves to join dorian on the cushions. there's no shyness about what it is he needs from him, sitting close to slip an arm around him so he can press his face into his shoulder. it's not the most comfortable position, but he doesn't care about that right now, soaking up the warmth that radiates from him at their proximity. this is so much better than having stood in the shower. ]
Maybe you should think about going back to bed. [ since larus can tell he's struggling a little. ]
[Dorian puts his arms around Larus when he comes close, drawing him comfortably against his body. His fingers peruse the damp hair at the top of the other man's head, tucking it slowly out of the way. A running of his thumb over Larus' cheek is necessary right now, and it ends with his hand wrapped around the back of the other man's neck. He's not fine, but he is safe. In time, with enough processing, things will creak back to normal again.
Larus seems to need to take care of him right now, or at least to be kind, and he understands it. After being a monster for more than a week this, he figures, is some kind of apology. Or an attempt to find their way to normalcy again. It's always hard to be sure with the other man. It's unnecessary, but it's easy enough to accept when what he's really interested in right now is time to decompress, and the intimacy being offered.]
[ he's grateful for it as well as the lack of questions. there will be time for it later, he's sure, but for now, larus leaves him to touch as he pleases, inhaling the warmth like he's been dying without it. some part of him might as well have been dead in that room anyhow, turning his head to press a kiss to dorian's fingers before slipping away and taking his hand. ]
I won't go anywhere.
[ not only because it's currently daylight but because he doesn't feel the need to.
and he draws dorian up, walking with him towards the master bedroom until they're shut inside together. he leaves him then to do whatever he needs to do to ready for a nap so larus can turn down the bed, sitting on the edge of it and glancing at dorian. there's something he wants to say – still an apology, perhaps – but he keeps silent, only offering his hand to the other man when he finally decides to move. ]
[That's reassuring, and although it wasn't on his mind before, a short rest is starting to sound divine.
Once they're inside, all Dorian really does is toe out of his shoes, take off the rings on his hands, and then unbutton the line of buttons closest to the top of his collar. It's comfortable to unravel a bit in the darkness like this, and with Larus waiting for him in the biggest bed in the suite. He's not sure if he'll really be able to sleep, but luxuriating in bed together and being useless is appealing right now.
When Dorian's done, he accepts the offer of a hand down and then joins Larus on the bed. He looks the vampire over again, doing a last check for something he's not entirely sure of, before he leans in for a kiss. This is where he lingers for a few long moments, before he presses himself against the other man, feeling the solidity and chill of his form.
It's comfortable in a very familiar way to stretch out like this.]
You're the first person I've lived with who's only ended up in my bed twice-- three times I guess, counting the time you came upon me during my nightmare, [he says after a moment in the warm and comfortable darkness, a note of a more usual wry amusement in his tone.]
[ larus isn't too concerned about his own comfort, but right now, all of this is familiar enough that it's enjoyable. the dimness of the room, too, settles whatever nerves might still be lingering from his time spent away from him, and when the kiss comes, larus turns his face towards him, lips parting to encourage more contact. his hand cups the back of dorian's neck, holding him there as they sink into the mattress together.
it's strange how much he craves this suddenly. ]
Are you telling me that because you want me in it more often?
[ there's something soft and almost teasing about the question, unable to help himself as he thinks about that. larus wonders just how many people dorian's lived with in the past, how many lovers he's had. it's not an important detail, really, but it does help with understanding someone in other ways, pushing up to lean into him. the heat of his body is addicting, as always, and he presses his lips to the swell of dorian's cheek.
he takes a breath, his voice low when he speaks. ] It's good being here with you.
[He's used to the feeling of a vampire basking in his warmth, and in this case it's particularly enjoyable. The passing of each moment is a solid curing of the soul by means of the senses, with the heaviness being leeched from his mind and body along with his heat.]
As often as you're willing. [It's probably because their schedules vary and life in the city has been impactful almost non-stop (the city can go to hell, and it can especially do it after the past week), but in his opinion there hasn't been enough of this-- contact, cuddling, sex, anything. It's good to catch up now and wallow in it.
He does want more of what Larus encouraged earlier though, so when lips come to brush softly against his cheek, he turns the vampire's head with a languid touch to invite him into another, more thorough kiss. There's no particular care for where it goes, but there is indulgence in it.
Now that his initial misgivings about sharing a bed while he sleeps have been dealt with, he should go ahead and invite Larus to share the room with him. Because it is good being here with him. He will, eventually, but right now he's more caught up in the slow and decadent contact passing between them.]
[ it's a breathy murmur when they part once, whispered between them in an attempt to continue bridging the gap between them. there really hasn't been enough contact between them, especially after the last week or so, and some of it, too, he knows, is because he's much more nocturnal outside their suite than inside it. larus might change some of his schedule to suit dorian's better so they could spend more time with each other, but that's also something they haven't really talked about.
he doesn't see a need to speak though, inviting even more contact as he presses in for another kiss. it's not quite as soft and exploring as before, something a bit harder with an edge to it that says he wants him close. there's no rush to do anything besides this either, curling an arm around dorian's back and holding him as he leans into him. all of this is a reminder that he's still there and present, that he hadn't slipped and become a monster with no clear moral compass or care for anyone. especially dorian, a shock that seems to settle more pleasantly through him as he slowly accepts it.
drawing back, he rests their foreheads together. ] If it makes you happy.
[The slow advancement of their intimacy is welcome, as is the moment where he starts to taste a growing purposefulness. He is tired, but not overly, and not too much for more if that's where this is headed.
He's a little amused by the other man's answer to him, but the soft-edged sweetness of it is enticing, too. Pulling enough away to look Larus in the face properly, Dorian surveys the vampire's expression with interest, his thumb perusing the soft line of his jaw from where his hand is already resting on his face.]
You want to please me? [Because that's how it sounds, and his question is posed without teasing. He's used to this from people, especially younger people, but in this moment he wants to hear the Larus take on it. If it's true exactly the way it sounds, he won't question it. He'll just take what's given, when it's given.]
[ he meets his eyes without hesitation, clearly seeing dorian's face despite the lack of lighting in the room. ]
I didn't say anything about that. [ not exactly, lifting a hand to gently catch the other man's wrist. rather than push him away, he simply holds onto him. ] I'd like to be closer to you, so if it's something we both want...
[ larus falls off then, not caring to repeat himself again. he thinks it would make dorian happy since he'd mentioned it, and regardless of whatever larus himself thinks, he's happier here. in this suite, in this room. with this man. there's still so much of his own feelings he hasn't sorted through, but at least he can say those things to him with certainty. whatever comes after will require more time. ]
[There is momentary speedbump of genuine disappointment in that response, but it's equally met by a vague sense of amusement and interest. In this case, he's thinking 'If it makes you happy' could be more of a filler response like an 'um' than something that actually means anything.
Which if true is fine, because he's comfortable pursuing.]
And if that is what I want? [It is. He thinks he's been fairly clear in his interest, to the point of being told he's trying too hard.] Do you want to indulge me?
[He's not talking about right now, but just in general.]
[ larus tries to read dorian's reaction and doesn't get much out of it. so, almost gently, he cups the side of his face, letting his fingers slide down to grip his chin. there's no running from whatever this conversation is, and right now, larus isn't that inclined to chase either. ]
Sometimes. [ which is true. part of the things he does is to indulge him already, though not in a rather obvious manner. ] But I also think you're so used to everyone else indulging you that this is frustrating. Maybe you believe I want something else out of it – I don't know. Locked in that room, all I wanted was to kill you. To have your blood until it was the only thing I could ever remember tasting.
[ he tries not to grimace, knowing that some part of that still remains inside him somewhere. ]
There's more to it than that though. It's why I'm here now. It's why I asked you to stay with me.
[He's confused by that response, the way he often seems to be when Larus tries to explain something serious or personal to him. Dorian sits with it for a moment, parsing through the vampire's words.]
What's the 'more'? [Why bring up wanting to kill him? Wanting his blood? Is he trying to say that it's an equivalent to personal or sexual satisfaction, or something part of Larus wants, even now? He could believe that because it seems like a typical part of the vampire condition to mix death with pleasure, the impulse being an unwanted one or not, but it's still a confusing thing to hear suddenly in this context.
Dorian doesn't understand what's being said, implied, or anything else, so there's nothing to do but ask.]
I don't understand what how other people respond to me has to do with it, either.
[ at least the fact that he's confused is something. larus doesn't know if he can work with that or not, but he has to try for the sake of clarifying whatever it is that seems to be causing more miscommunication. so, for a brief moment, he closes his eyes to consider how to answer. if this was casimir, he wouldn't have to try so hard; he could always touch him and know his thoughts, his meaning. but dorian doesn't have that ability, not that he would want him to, and sometimes, being around him creates an entirely different feeling than he's used to.
when he looks at him, he tries his best not to frown. ]
I respect you, Dorian. I like you. That's what I mean by more. [ it's not a confession—sort of. mostly just a simple statement. ] And I'm not like other people. Sometimes, I don't know how you want me to respond, but I do try to give you what you want.
[ is that even enough? he doesn't know, but at least he isn't going to deflect for the time being. ]
[A lot of what Dorian gets from this at first is that it sounds like there's deliberate, serious, and considered thought behind Larus' words.
In contrast, all Dorian's been doing this entire time is following impulse. His intuition. His heart-- such as it is anymore. Even he isn't sure on that point.
But he thinks he understands what Larus is saying now, even if his footing in this still isn't sure. Why is this coming up now?]
I know you aren't like other people. [It was part of the reason for his initial attraction, and now his ongoing interest. As he's come to know Larus better he's grown to appreciate the parts of him that aren't so unusual, too. But the seeming struggle at his core as Dorian perceives it, the curious blend of an unwilling fixation on death, combined with warring feelings about caring or not caring about almost everything, is moving, sometimes annoying, endearing and attractive.
It's nothing like himself. He wouldn't waste the space in his thoughts.]
Do you think I'm expecting something? [A dark eyebrow hikes slightly.]
[ it's coming up because he'd spent eight days in a box as a monster, and it's difficult to tell if there will ever be a repeat of such an incident. larus didn't have control. he likes control, desires it over those parts of himself that could cause serious harm to others, and if dorian continues getting involved in such things, it's going to happen to him eventually. whether he can be hurt or not, it will. it's just a constant with someone like him, a reality that larus would rather not face if he doesn't have to. ]
I don't know. [ which sounds like a non-answer so he follows with: ] I'm still trying to figure you out. I'm still trying to learn where I fit in your life and where you are in mine.
[ because it would be simple to say that they're nothing besides a dominant and a submissive. friends, at the very least. but for larus, it's a little more complicated than that now. maybe he could just swallow it all down like he's used to and keep it easy. still, there's nothing about any of this that can be easy when dorian is really the only person he trusts in his abysmal city. ]
With the way things happen here, I don't know how long that's going to take.
[Now this is starting to sound like something Dorian can fully wrap his head around, and that he's experienced countless times. It's the kind of conversation he prefers not to have if possible, because enough times it ends with people seeking a commitment he's not willing to or sometimes even capable of offering. That not the case here, but their conversation now has the same general shape as those ones, however more abstracted and in a fledgling stage it is rather than a full albatross.
Other times, this same kind of conversation happens with someone he cares too much for, and it immediately becomes terrifying.
This is more middling in that regard, but it's still uncomfortable. Dorian's expression settles, becoming a bit smoother and less emotive.]
You fit the way you fit. [He waves a hand airily.] I'm happy with it, and I'd rather stay the way we have been than live, or spend most of my time around other people in this place.
[ it feels like a dismissal, which is fine. he hadn't expected much to come from it, and conversations like this aren't something he's comfortable with, especially since he still has complicated feelings for someone who's not even in duplicity. not that larus' feelings for dorian center too far towards the side of romantic. he thinks. there's just something there he enjoys when they're not stumbling over things like this. ]
I don't know what other way we'd be.
[ which is his way of ending this particular talk, grabbing dorian's hand and giving it a tug to draw him back into a more lax position with him on the bed. if he doesn't come easily, larus is just going to press a kiss to the pulse in his wrist. ]
We didn't come in here to discuss any of that anyway.
[It's somewhat unexpected that everything's being let go of as quickly as it came up, but it suits Dorian's general, and selfish disinclination to talk that strays close to something like starting to define where it is that he fits in another person's life, and vice versa. Definition is limiting, and he's not ready to believe that it's possible for it to happen without there being some kind of expectation, spoken or unspoken, formal or informal, that far behind. He's enjoying what he has with Larus and interested in taking it further. For him that feels like enough for the time being.
There may be some recovery to be done now, and as they flop back down into the bed again, Dorian's gaze roams over Larus' profile to look for the need for it. Not noticing anything immediate, he props himself up on his side beside the vampire to look down into the other man's face.]
D'you want to know what I think? [he asks rhetorically.] You just spent eight days in a room with nothing but a painting [that was probably dying to whisper terrible nothings to Larus, but couldn't because of the display case it's in, thankfully] and your own thoughts. We owe it to try and put some more pleasant thoughts in this head of yours.
[ in those few seconds that it takes for dorian to lean up over him, larus closes his eyes. not in relief, exactly, but there's something much nicer about laying in this bed as opposed to the floor that he's taking a moment to soak up, already wanting to put the past several days behind him and forget it ever happened. he knows that once he steps outside of this suite, he won't be able to. he'll wander back to the areas he met those people and killed them, think about reaching out to the ones he didn't. the tip of his tongue presses against the edge of a fang, and there's a brief swell of self-loathing that he swallows down.
dorian's voice draws him away from it, gaze settling on the other man's face in equal measure.
he's come to find comfort in looking at him, in being with him and thinking about him. regardless of the few uncomfortable situations they've experienced together, dorian is safety and trust. larus doesn't need to try as hard as he normally does to be proactive in keeping his guard up constantly, but it's still, as always, a work-in-progress. it's years of habit that he can't just shut off, though he does lift a hand to brush his knuckles along the curve of his cheek. ]
[He turns his head slightly into that touch, and then shifts so he can more comfortably look down into Larus' face.]
Let me please you, in this case. [And himself in the process.
There's no particular urgency in the offer, but he does reach out to lay a hand on Larus' chest, fingers running over the smoothness of clean fabric. The swell of the muscles there. It feels good. Like a connection, and the kind he prefers.]
We could take our time [Which doesn't imply gentleness or roughness specifically, but whatever suits the mood. Rather than an impatient desire to take, in this moment and after everything they've both gone through, Dorian would rather be with Larus. That could mean any number of things when he still knows very little about the vampire's preferences. The finding out would be very enjoyable for him.] and then finish up with a good rinsing off.
[A bath would be pleasant too, but that would involve preparing it exactly the way it's good, and the amount of effort involved is a less appealing prospect right now.]
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Frowning, he watches Larus' face closely.]
Then keep me safe. [He catches Larus' hand lightly and wraps fingers around it.] If you fall into a pool of blood, I'll pull you out, and you can keep going from there.
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I don't know where to go from here. [ he needs to think about what's happened, revisit the places he'd killed those people in. but — ] Will you stay?
[ even if dorian didn't look the part of someone planning to go out, he would have asked. this is as close to vulnerable as he can be right now. ]
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I'll stay, [he confirms. The hand at the base of of Larus' neck shifts slightly then, brushing up against blood-hardened strands. His fingers pause. It's strange, but it's this small touch that makes him suddenly aware of the amount of dried blood caking various parts of the vampire's form. Getting rid of that may be the easiest first step to deciding what to do next.]
A shower might be a good place to start, if nothing else. [A slightly wry, but still softer than usual, look tugs at his features as he looks Larus over.] I can take your clothes and either send them for cleaning, or throw them out, too.
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slowly, he disengages from him. ]
I'll do that first. [ it leaves him in a bizarrely shy fashion, keeping his eyes elsewhere other than dorian and focusing on the sound of the kettle in the kitchen. ] You should have your tea.
[ there's no response about his clothes because he's definitely throwing them out as soon as he's finished.
larus gives dorian one last glance before moving off down the hallway towards his own room, not bothering with shutting the door or even closing himself off in the adjacent bathroom. it's always an unspoken invitation, stripping out of everything he's wearing and letting the water of the shower soak through every inch of him. he's in there longer than usual, trying to order his thoughts, and by the time he reemerges, larus feels marginally more himself, searching out dorian like a moth to a flame. after having spent so long confined to a room, he simply wants to be close to someone else for a while. ]
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He's gathered up on the loveseat when Larus returns some extended time later, a chilling cup of coffee sitting untouched on the nearby low table, a newspaper fallen messily into Dorian's lap, and his cheek leaning heavily into the butt of his palm upon propped elbow. He hadn't meant to doze off, exactly, but after several days of middling sleep and with the sudden releasing of emotional pressure, it'd happened anyway.
It's the awkwardness of the position, and the gentle creaking of the carpeted floor under a person's weight that start to rouse him. And then his elbow slips and the resulting jerk of motion brings him back with a start. Dorian blinks a few bleary and confused times, and then exhales, stretching back into the couch and rubbing a palm into an eye.
His brain is struggling to creak back into motion, but he looks up at Larus. Surveys his much cleaner, and normal-looking appearance. That's no gauge of someone's emotional state, but it's a start.]
Better?
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his expression softens, pushing some of his damp hair out of his face. ]
A little.
[ but he thinks he'll be even better once he's had time to readjust to the freedom he's gotten used to, keeping himself only slightly detached from it all as he moves to join dorian on the cushions. there's no shyness about what it is he needs from him, sitting close to slip an arm around him so he can press his face into his shoulder. it's not the most comfortable position, but he doesn't care about that right now, soaking up the warmth that radiates from him at their proximity. this is so much better than having stood in the shower. ]
Maybe you should think about going back to bed. [ since larus can tell he's struggling a little. ]
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Larus seems to need to take care of him right now, or at least to be kind, and he understands it. After being a monster for more than a week this, he figures, is some kind of apology. Or an attempt to find their way to normalcy again. It's always hard to be sure with the other man. It's unnecessary, but it's easy enough to accept when what he's really interested in right now is time to decompress, and the intimacy being offered.]
Join me and I will.
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I won't go anywhere.
[ not only because it's currently daylight but because he doesn't feel the need to.
and he draws dorian up, walking with him towards the master bedroom until they're shut inside together. he leaves him then to do whatever he needs to do to ready for a nap so larus can turn down the bed, sitting on the edge of it and glancing at dorian. there's something he wants to say – still an apology, perhaps – but he keeps silent, only offering his hand to the other man when he finally decides to move. ]
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Once they're inside, all Dorian really does is toe out of his shoes, take off the rings on his hands, and then unbutton the line of buttons closest to the top of his collar. It's comfortable to unravel a bit in the darkness like this, and with Larus waiting for him in the biggest bed in the suite. He's not sure if he'll really be able to sleep, but luxuriating in bed together and being useless is appealing right now.
When Dorian's done, he accepts the offer of a hand down and then joins Larus on the bed. He looks the vampire over again, doing a last check for something he's not entirely sure of, before he leans in for a kiss. This is where he lingers for a few long moments, before he presses himself against the other man, feeling the solidity and chill of his form.
It's comfortable in a very familiar way to stretch out like this.]
You're the first person I've lived with who's only ended up in my bed twice-- three times I guess, counting the time you came upon me during my nightmare, [he says after a moment in the warm and comfortable darkness, a note of a more usual wry amusement in his tone.]
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it's strange how much he craves this suddenly. ]
Are you telling me that because you want me in it more often?
[ there's something soft and almost teasing about the question, unable to help himself as he thinks about that. larus wonders just how many people dorian's lived with in the past, how many lovers he's had. it's not an important detail, really, but it does help with understanding someone in other ways, pushing up to lean into him. the heat of his body is addicting, as always, and he presses his lips to the swell of dorian's cheek.
he takes a breath, his voice low when he speaks. ] It's good being here with you.
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As often as you're willing. [It's probably because their schedules vary and life in the city has been impactful almost non-stop (the city can go to hell, and it can especially do it after the past week), but in his opinion there hasn't been enough of this-- contact, cuddling, sex, anything. It's good to catch up now and wallow in it.
He does want more of what Larus encouraged earlier though, so when lips come to brush softly against his cheek, he turns the vampire's head with a languid touch to invite him into another, more thorough kiss. There's no particular care for where it goes, but there is indulgence in it.
Now that his initial misgivings about sharing a bed while he sleeps have been dealt with, he should go ahead and invite Larus to share the room with him. Because it is good being here with him. He will, eventually, but right now he's more caught up in the slow and decadent contact passing between them.]
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[ it's a breathy murmur when they part once, whispered between them in an attempt to continue bridging the gap between them. there really hasn't been enough contact between them, especially after the last week or so, and some of it, too, he knows, is because he's much more nocturnal outside their suite than inside it. larus might change some of his schedule to suit dorian's better so they could spend more time with each other, but that's also something they haven't really talked about.
he doesn't see a need to speak though, inviting even more contact as he presses in for another kiss. it's not quite as soft and exploring as before, something a bit harder with an edge to it that says he wants him close. there's no rush to do anything besides this either, curling an arm around dorian's back and holding him as he leans into him. all of this is a reminder that he's still there and present, that he hadn't slipped and become a monster with no clear moral compass or care for anyone. especially dorian, a shock that seems to settle more pleasantly through him as he slowly accepts it.
drawing back, he rests their foreheads together. ] If it makes you happy.
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He's a little amused by the other man's answer to him, but the soft-edged sweetness of it is enticing, too. Pulling enough away to look Larus in the face properly, Dorian surveys the vampire's expression with interest, his thumb perusing the soft line of his jaw from where his hand is already resting on his face.]
You want to please me? [Because that's how it sounds, and his question is posed without teasing. He's used to this from people, especially younger people, but in this moment he wants to hear the Larus take on it. If it's true exactly the way it sounds, he won't question it. He'll just take what's given, when it's given.]
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I didn't say anything about that. [ not exactly, lifting a hand to gently catch the other man's wrist. rather than push him away, he simply holds onto him. ] I'd like to be closer to you, so if it's something we both want...
[ larus falls off then, not caring to repeat himself again. he thinks it would make dorian happy since he'd mentioned it, and regardless of whatever larus himself thinks, he's happier here. in this suite, in this room. with this man. there's still so much of his own feelings he hasn't sorted through, but at least he can say those things to him with certainty. whatever comes after will require more time. ]
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Which if true is fine, because he's comfortable pursuing.]
And if that is what I want? [It is. He thinks he's been fairly clear in his interest, to the point of being told he's trying too hard.] Do you want to indulge me?
[He's not talking about right now, but just in general.]
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Sometimes. [ which is true. part of the things he does is to indulge him already, though not in a rather obvious manner. ] But I also think you're so used to everyone else indulging you that this is frustrating. Maybe you believe I want something else out of it – I don't know. Locked in that room, all I wanted was to kill you. To have your blood until it was the only thing I could ever remember tasting.
[ he tries not to grimace, knowing that some part of that still remains inside him somewhere. ]
There's more to it than that though. It's why I'm here now. It's why I asked you to stay with me.
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What's the 'more'? [Why bring up wanting to kill him? Wanting his blood? Is he trying to say that it's an equivalent to personal or sexual satisfaction, or something part of Larus wants, even now? He could believe that because it seems like a typical part of the vampire condition to mix death with pleasure, the impulse being an unwanted one or not, but it's still a confusing thing to hear suddenly in this context.
Dorian doesn't understand what's being said, implied, or anything else, so there's nothing to do but ask.]
I don't understand what how other people respond to me has to do with it, either.
[????????? ??? Larus????? Help.]
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when he looks at him, he tries his best not to frown. ]
I respect you, Dorian. I like you. That's what I mean by more. [ it's not a confession—sort of. mostly just a simple statement. ] And I'm not like other people. Sometimes, I don't know how you want me to respond, but I do try to give you what you want.
[ is that even enough? he doesn't know, but at least he isn't going to deflect for the time being. ]
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In contrast, all Dorian's been doing this entire time is following impulse. His intuition. His heart-- such as it is anymore. Even he isn't sure on that point.
But he thinks he understands what Larus is saying now, even if his footing in this still isn't sure. Why is this coming up now?]
I know you aren't like other people. [It was part of the reason for his initial attraction, and now his ongoing interest. As he's come to know Larus better he's grown to appreciate the parts of him that aren't so unusual, too. But the seeming struggle at his core as Dorian perceives it, the curious blend of an unwilling fixation on death, combined with warring feelings about caring or not caring about almost everything, is moving, sometimes annoying, endearing and attractive.
It's nothing like himself. He wouldn't waste the space in his thoughts.]
Do you think I'm expecting something? [A dark eyebrow hikes slightly.]
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I don't know. [ which sounds like a non-answer so he follows with: ] I'm still trying to figure you out. I'm still trying to learn where I fit in your life and where you are in mine.
[ because it would be simple to say that they're nothing besides a dominant and a submissive. friends, at the very least. but for larus, it's a little more complicated than that now. maybe he could just swallow it all down like he's used to and keep it easy. still, there's nothing about any of this that can be easy when dorian is really the only person he trusts in his abysmal city. ]
With the way things happen here, I don't know how long that's going to take.
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Other times, this same kind of conversation happens with someone he cares too much for, and it immediately becomes terrifying.
This is more middling in that regard, but it's still uncomfortable. Dorian's expression settles, becoming a bit smoother and less emotive.]
You fit the way you fit. [He waves a hand airily.] I'm happy with it, and I'd rather stay the way we have been than live, or spend most of my time around other people in this place.
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I don't know what other way we'd be.
[ which is his way of ending this particular talk, grabbing dorian's hand and giving it a tug to draw him back into a more lax position with him on the bed. if he doesn't come easily, larus is just going to press a kiss to the pulse in his wrist. ]
We didn't come in here to discuss any of that anyway.
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There may be some recovery to be done now, and as they flop back down into the bed again, Dorian's gaze roams over Larus' profile to look for the need for it. Not noticing anything immediate, he props himself up on his side beside the vampire to look down into the other man's face.]
D'you want to know what I think? [he asks rhetorically.] You just spent eight days in a room with nothing but a painting [that was probably dying to whisper terrible nothings to Larus, but couldn't because of the display case it's in, thankfully] and your own thoughts. We owe it to try and put some more pleasant thoughts in this head of yours.
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dorian's voice draws him away from it, gaze settling on the other man's face in equal measure.
he's come to find comfort in looking at him, in being with him and thinking about him. regardless of the few uncomfortable situations they've experienced together, dorian is safety and trust. larus doesn't need to try as hard as he normally does to be proactive in keeping his guard up constantly, but it's still, as always, a work-in-progress. it's years of habit that he can't just shut off, though he does lift a hand to brush his knuckles along the curve of his cheek. ]
What do you suggest?
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Let me please you, in this case. [And himself in the process.
There's no particular urgency in the offer, but he does reach out to lay a hand on Larus' chest, fingers running over the smoothness of clean fabric. The swell of the muscles there. It feels good. Like a connection, and the kind he prefers.]
We could take our time [Which doesn't imply gentleness or roughness specifically, but whatever suits the mood. Rather than an impatient desire to take, in this moment and after everything they've both gone through, Dorian would rather be with Larus. That could mean any number of things when he still knows very little about the vampire's preferences. The finding out would be very enjoyable for him.] and then finish up with a good rinsing off.
[A bath would be pleasant too, but that would involve preparing it exactly the way it's good, and the amount of effort involved is a less appealing prospect right now.]
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