[ it's a breathy murmur when they part once, whispered between them in an attempt to continue bridging the gap between them. there really hasn't been enough contact between them, especially after the last week or so, and some of it, too, he knows, is because he's much more nocturnal outside their suite than inside it. larus might change some of his schedule to suit dorian's better so they could spend more time with each other, but that's also something they haven't really talked about.
he doesn't see a need to speak though, inviting even more contact as he presses in for another kiss. it's not quite as soft and exploring as before, something a bit harder with an edge to it that says he wants him close. there's no rush to do anything besides this either, curling an arm around dorian's back and holding him as he leans into him. all of this is a reminder that he's still there and present, that he hadn't slipped and become a monster with no clear moral compass or care for anyone. especially dorian, a shock that seems to settle more pleasantly through him as he slowly accepts it.
drawing back, he rests their foreheads together. ] If it makes you happy.
[The slow advancement of their intimacy is welcome, as is the moment where he starts to taste a growing purposefulness. He is tired, but not overly, and not too much for more if that's where this is headed.
He's a little amused by the other man's answer to him, but the soft-edged sweetness of it is enticing, too. Pulling enough away to look Larus in the face properly, Dorian surveys the vampire's expression with interest, his thumb perusing the soft line of his jaw from where his hand is already resting on his face.]
You want to please me? [Because that's how it sounds, and his question is posed without teasing. He's used to this from people, especially younger people, but in this moment he wants to hear the Larus take on it. If it's true exactly the way it sounds, he won't question it. He'll just take what's given, when it's given.]
[ he meets his eyes without hesitation, clearly seeing dorian's face despite the lack of lighting in the room. ]
I didn't say anything about that. [ not exactly, lifting a hand to gently catch the other man's wrist. rather than push him away, he simply holds onto him. ] I'd like to be closer to you, so if it's something we both want...
[ larus falls off then, not caring to repeat himself again. he thinks it would make dorian happy since he'd mentioned it, and regardless of whatever larus himself thinks, he's happier here. in this suite, in this room. with this man. there's still so much of his own feelings he hasn't sorted through, but at least he can say those things to him with certainty. whatever comes after will require more time. ]
[There is momentary speedbump of genuine disappointment in that response, but it's equally met by a vague sense of amusement and interest. In this case, he's thinking 'If it makes you happy' could be more of a filler response like an 'um' than something that actually means anything.
Which if true is fine, because he's comfortable pursuing.]
And if that is what I want? [It is. He thinks he's been fairly clear in his interest, to the point of being told he's trying too hard.] Do you want to indulge me?
[He's not talking about right now, but just in general.]
[ larus tries to read dorian's reaction and doesn't get much out of it. so, almost gently, he cups the side of his face, letting his fingers slide down to grip his chin. there's no running from whatever this conversation is, and right now, larus isn't that inclined to chase either. ]
Sometimes. [ which is true. part of the things he does is to indulge him already, though not in a rather obvious manner. ] But I also think you're so used to everyone else indulging you that this is frustrating. Maybe you believe I want something else out of it – I don't know. Locked in that room, all I wanted was to kill you. To have your blood until it was the only thing I could ever remember tasting.
[ he tries not to grimace, knowing that some part of that still remains inside him somewhere. ]
There's more to it than that though. It's why I'm here now. It's why I asked you to stay with me.
[He's confused by that response, the way he often seems to be when Larus tries to explain something serious or personal to him. Dorian sits with it for a moment, parsing through the vampire's words.]
What's the 'more'? [Why bring up wanting to kill him? Wanting his blood? Is he trying to say that it's an equivalent to personal or sexual satisfaction, or something part of Larus wants, even now? He could believe that because it seems like a typical part of the vampire condition to mix death with pleasure, the impulse being an unwanted one or not, but it's still a confusing thing to hear suddenly in this context.
Dorian doesn't understand what's being said, implied, or anything else, so there's nothing to do but ask.]
I don't understand what how other people respond to me has to do with it, either.
[ at least the fact that he's confused is something. larus doesn't know if he can work with that or not, but he has to try for the sake of clarifying whatever it is that seems to be causing more miscommunication. so, for a brief moment, he closes his eyes to consider how to answer. if this was casimir, he wouldn't have to try so hard; he could always touch him and know his thoughts, his meaning. but dorian doesn't have that ability, not that he would want him to, and sometimes, being around him creates an entirely different feeling than he's used to.
when he looks at him, he tries his best not to frown. ]
I respect you, Dorian. I like you. That's what I mean by more. [ it's not a confession—sort of. mostly just a simple statement. ] And I'm not like other people. Sometimes, I don't know how you want me to respond, but I do try to give you what you want.
[ is that even enough? he doesn't know, but at least he isn't going to deflect for the time being. ]
[A lot of what Dorian gets from this at first is that it sounds like there's deliberate, serious, and considered thought behind Larus' words.
In contrast, all Dorian's been doing this entire time is following impulse. His intuition. His heart-- such as it is anymore. Even he isn't sure on that point.
But he thinks he understands what Larus is saying now, even if his footing in this still isn't sure. Why is this coming up now?]
I know you aren't like other people. [It was part of the reason for his initial attraction, and now his ongoing interest. As he's come to know Larus better he's grown to appreciate the parts of him that aren't so unusual, too. But the seeming struggle at his core as Dorian perceives it, the curious blend of an unwilling fixation on death, combined with warring feelings about caring or not caring about almost everything, is moving, sometimes annoying, endearing and attractive.
It's nothing like himself. He wouldn't waste the space in his thoughts.]
Do you think I'm expecting something? [A dark eyebrow hikes slightly.]
[ it's coming up because he'd spent eight days in a box as a monster, and it's difficult to tell if there will ever be a repeat of such an incident. larus didn't have control. he likes control, desires it over those parts of himself that could cause serious harm to others, and if dorian continues getting involved in such things, it's going to happen to him eventually. whether he can be hurt or not, it will. it's just a constant with someone like him, a reality that larus would rather not face if he doesn't have to. ]
I don't know. [ which sounds like a non-answer so he follows with: ] I'm still trying to figure you out. I'm still trying to learn where I fit in your life and where you are in mine.
[ because it would be simple to say that they're nothing besides a dominant and a submissive. friends, at the very least. but for larus, it's a little more complicated than that now. maybe he could just swallow it all down like he's used to and keep it easy. still, there's nothing about any of this that can be easy when dorian is really the only person he trusts in his abysmal city. ]
With the way things happen here, I don't know how long that's going to take.
[Now this is starting to sound like something Dorian can fully wrap his head around, and that he's experienced countless times. It's the kind of conversation he prefers not to have if possible, because enough times it ends with people seeking a commitment he's not willing to or sometimes even capable of offering. That not the case here, but their conversation now has the same general shape as those ones, however more abstracted and in a fledgling stage it is rather than a full albatross.
Other times, this same kind of conversation happens with someone he cares too much for, and it immediately becomes terrifying.
This is more middling in that regard, but it's still uncomfortable. Dorian's expression settles, becoming a bit smoother and less emotive.]
You fit the way you fit. [He waves a hand airily.] I'm happy with it, and I'd rather stay the way we have been than live, or spend most of my time around other people in this place.
[ it feels like a dismissal, which is fine. he hadn't expected much to come from it, and conversations like this aren't something he's comfortable with, especially since he still has complicated feelings for someone who's not even in duplicity. not that larus' feelings for dorian center too far towards the side of romantic. he thinks. there's just something there he enjoys when they're not stumbling over things like this. ]
I don't know what other way we'd be.
[ which is his way of ending this particular talk, grabbing dorian's hand and giving it a tug to draw him back into a more lax position with him on the bed. if he doesn't come easily, larus is just going to press a kiss to the pulse in his wrist. ]
We didn't come in here to discuss any of that anyway.
[It's somewhat unexpected that everything's being let go of as quickly as it came up, but it suits Dorian's general, and selfish disinclination to talk that strays close to something like starting to define where it is that he fits in another person's life, and vice versa. Definition is limiting, and he's not ready to believe that it's possible for it to happen without there being some kind of expectation, spoken or unspoken, formal or informal, that far behind. He's enjoying what he has with Larus and interested in taking it further. For him that feels like enough for the time being.
There may be some recovery to be done now, and as they flop back down into the bed again, Dorian's gaze roams over Larus' profile to look for the need for it. Not noticing anything immediate, he props himself up on his side beside the vampire to look down into the other man's face.]
D'you want to know what I think? [he asks rhetorically.] You just spent eight days in a room with nothing but a painting [that was probably dying to whisper terrible nothings to Larus, but couldn't because of the display case it's in, thankfully] and your own thoughts. We owe it to try and put some more pleasant thoughts in this head of yours.
[ in those few seconds that it takes for dorian to lean up over him, larus closes his eyes. not in relief, exactly, but there's something much nicer about laying in this bed as opposed to the floor that he's taking a moment to soak up, already wanting to put the past several days behind him and forget it ever happened. he knows that once he steps outside of this suite, he won't be able to. he'll wander back to the areas he met those people and killed them, think about reaching out to the ones he didn't. the tip of his tongue presses against the edge of a fang, and there's a brief swell of self-loathing that he swallows down.
dorian's voice draws him away from it, gaze settling on the other man's face in equal measure.
he's come to find comfort in looking at him, in being with him and thinking about him. regardless of the few uncomfortable situations they've experienced together, dorian is safety and trust. larus doesn't need to try as hard as he normally does to be proactive in keeping his guard up constantly, but it's still, as always, a work-in-progress. it's years of habit that he can't just shut off, though he does lift a hand to brush his knuckles along the curve of his cheek. ]
[He turns his head slightly into that touch, and then shifts so he can more comfortably look down into Larus' face.]
Let me please you, in this case. [And himself in the process.
There's no particular urgency in the offer, but he does reach out to lay a hand on Larus' chest, fingers running over the smoothness of clean fabric. The swell of the muscles there. It feels good. Like a connection, and the kind he prefers.]
We could take our time [Which doesn't imply gentleness or roughness specifically, but whatever suits the mood. Rather than an impatient desire to take, in this moment and after everything they've both gone through, Dorian would rather be with Larus. That could mean any number of things when he still knows very little about the vampire's preferences. The finding out would be very enjoyable for him.] and then finish up with a good rinsing off.
[A bath would be pleasant too, but that would involve preparing it exactly the way it's good, and the amount of effort involved is a less appealing prospect right now.]
the touch to his chest casts his thoughts elsewhere almost immediately, centering on dorian's heartbeat and the warmth of him so close. it's an oddly overwhelming sensation now that he thinks about it, after being cut off from anything kind for such a short amount of time, and it's yet another reminder of just how quickly he's come to adapt to such things. their casualness, their routine. the intimacy between them when it's there. (if he was asked to be perfectly honest in that moment, larus would have told dorian that all he needed was to rest his head against him and listen to him breathe for hours.) ]
I can do that.
[ said simply, almost sweetly, and his features smooth into a somewhat fond expression before he pushes up to find his mouth. the kiss is slow and easy, tasting him until it's important to allow dorian to breathe. then, larus is drawing him close in a way that equally implies a sort of lazy welcome to the idea of taking their time. he'd wanted to do that very first time they'd been together in this bed, but things are somewhat different between them than they had been then. there's no real urgency right now either, and larus mouths dorian's name into his skin as he touches lips to his jaw, fingertips caressing along his shoulder and down his arm. ]
[The response is a little unclear in terms of personal investment, and Dorian is about to ask, but then Larus is opening up to him and breathing his name against his flesh. It's something he likes hearing in a moment like this, and it convinces him and pulls his focus back in. He sinks into their kissing, parting his lips, encouraging a deeper exploration and tasting the other man until the lack of air is tugging at his lungs.
Lips against his jaw are close enough to the sensitive spot of his neck that he shifts, offering himself to a furthering of lips, tongue, teeth, whatever Larus might be inspired to grace this part of his body with. It's a touchier place since their first time together, but they've built trust and affection since then. He's not worried, and he wants it.
His own hands caress and smooth with more intent --his desire for and attraction to the other man aren't subtle, and aren't ever going to be-- but it's still slow-going. He's enjoying it, appreciating the alternating hardness and softness of the ridges of the vampire's rib cage, his lightly-muscled form, and then the softness just below the hem of Larus' shirt as he passes his hands beneath it to help himself to smooth, chill skin.]
[ perhaps it's the string of events that have led them here, but larus is more responsive than he'd usually be with such affections. there's a craving there, following the tip of dorian's head and letting his lips find the delicate areas of his neck before his tongue traces the same path. for now, he keeps his teeth where they should be, only gently scraping them along skin when there's a rush of excitement from the sudden warmth of fingers over his belly.
larus leans into it unconsciously, encouraging more of whatever it is dorian will give him as they explore one another without haste, and he pauses with his face tucked into that spot between neck and shoulder, soaking up the contact as he listens to the steady pulse that echoes around him before moving again. he skirts a hand along dorian's side, slipping it between them to begin the arduous task of unbuttoning his shirt. but with each freed fastening, larus kisses along his throat towards his mouth. because he can, because he wants to.
the kiss, this time, is filled with unspoken thanks, gratitude for the things dorian's done for him and everything in between. it whispers of the devotion he could give him, the eagerness of being with him. it begs for understanding just as much as his longing burns through him. all of it his body says without voicing it loudly, needing more than what he knows how to ask for. ]
[Chill breath and a tongue sliding up his neck mean a shiver is pulling its way through Dorian's core, culminating in a corresponding tightening in his torso. It makes, for a flicker of a moment that throws even him off, the idea of having that softness and passion there turn into the sharp press of fangs tempting. The notion of sharing that connection with someone else he cares for and wants to give himself to, when the only person he's ever wanted it from is completely gone. The craving is forbidden now as it is deep, and it's a precarious thought to have slip in without any prompting. Less dangerous for what it could do to him bodily, and more for how much it would mean to let down that particular wall around his heart.
If it could ever happen to begin with.
He's freed from all related thoughts, though, by the pulling of fingers at his shirt and the return of lips against his own. There are emotions and needs in the kiss this time that Dorian can't quite place, but the sweetness and passion of the gesture are evident. He wants it, returning it in his own way by shifting his hands to draw at the vampire's shirt in turn, waiting for the pauses for his own breath that are becoming a pattern to pull it up, and then out of the way.
Dorian helps with the last of the fashionable (arduous) amount of buttons on his own shirt, shrugging out of it slowly with something like relief. And then he stops, and gives himself a moment to bask in the sight of Larus stretched out beneath him. His fingers drop to run along the length of his torso, enjoying the smoothness and intimate contact there now that any offending fabric is out of the way.]
What do you want right now? [It doesn't matter what it is, but it would be an unbridled pleasure to get any reply when it felt like there were words lurking beneath the surface of their last kiss.]
[ it's an easy question to answer, but abruptly, for some unknown reason, it's strangely overwhelming. ]
I want —
[ what does he want? does it have anything to do with what he needs? there are a number of things he could list off that wouldn't really be anything significant, and most of all, larus' initial response to a question like that is almost always 'nothing'. he wants nothing. he needs nothing. he's purposely limited himself to it; regardless of the outcome of a situation, he's not setting himself up for disappointment by not wanting anything. it's the same sort of expectation he'd set for himself when they'd contracted, only giving one term and one term only. now, it's a mess, and his thoughts drift back to that room, how he's determined to never set foot inside it ever again—even if dorian encourages him to.
but that doesn't answer the question, does it? larus looks up at him, lost in so many thoughts and trying to narrow it down to one. a response, something that would satisfy them both in some way. as always, it's honesty he reaches for, and it's a quiet admittance that pulls his own heart in a thousand different directions. ]
You. I want you. [ but it's more than just a physical connection, which is easy. he can detach himself from it if he chooses, a mechanism to survive in a world that requires it. his palm presses against dorian's chest, fingertips pressing into skin. ] I want to feel you, and I want to taste you. I just want to be with you.
[ right there, in that moment. this present of theirs and not the past or whatever future might unfurl before them. ]
[Dorian hadn't had expectations of Larus, but the reply that comes is almost inordinately impactful. What does it mean?
He knows what it means. And for once with this particular man, he doesn't feel any need to seek clarification. This kind of understanding between them is significant, and he thinks it's because he's hearing a complete and unfiltered truth-- not that Larus ever lies to him, but he's noticed that his words are usually buried under layers upon layers of thought and considered decision-making. It's not lying. It's guarded.
This isn't, and it's a trust he wants to return. There are a hundred different ways he could respond to the admission that he thinks would satisfy the both of them on many levels, but for something like this, something else is called for.
Dorian bends back down to press himself against Larus, his hand curving around the back of the vampire's neck to tip his head for a deep kiss. He's already determined to take a leap, and that sudden reckless decisiveness is present in the purposeful press of his lips.]
Then there's something I want you to know. [Dorian kisses him again, this time ending it with a small scrape of teeth against a lower lip that's a little sharp, only to pull any and all wandering attention and thoughts completely onto himself and his words. He draws enough away to murmur,]
I'm immortal. [He webs fingers over the top of Larus' chest.] The picture in that room is of me, and it's taken my wounds and follies for over 160 years.
[ the kiss would have been enough. larus would have been satisfied with that, would have been glad to forego words and roll them over to press the shape of his mouth into dorian's perfect skin. but what doesn't come after that bite to his lip is more of the same, effectively drawing his focus to dorian and the words that leave him. and the surprise larus feels has nothing to do with such a revelation or how much everything now seems to make sense. the way he'd healed after he'd cut himself, how he'd told larus they were both a kind of 'other'. whatever protections he's placed on that room and the way he'd been trapped inside.
dorian's immortal, but more than that, it partly explains some of the things he's done and said since he's known him. ]
Why are you telling me this now? [ his touch drifts to the shell of dorian's ear, fingertips lightly teasing at the curl of dark hair that falls there. ] It doesn't change what I said or what I want.
[ there's nothing hypocritical or demanding in his tone, the words even but slightly curious. his eyes never leave dorian's either, looking at him as though he can search out some further truth from his admission. what has he seen in all that time? what has he done? larus can't imagine it, even though he's known others to have lived longer than naturally possible. sun, for one, but he certainly doesn't want to think about him right now and forces himself not to. ]
[That's an unexpected reaction (but when are they ever?) and not one he's ever received from the vanishingly small handful of people he's ever intentionally revealed this information to. Plenty of people are privy to it thanks to Oscar's novel, but only a few know that it's real.
Dorian's immediately a little annoyed by the perceived slight to his vanity.]
You were being giving with me. [Or that's how it came off. Open, giving, emotionally revealing.] I was returning the favor.
[ he can tell it presses some sort of internal button dorian has about this, which is why he continues to play with his hair as he looks at him. larus strokes his fingers over his cheek and down the side of his neck, contemplating an answer as he does. ]
I know. I didn't imply I wasn't grateful for it. [ he's learning this to be something about dorian to anticipate. ] You're still the same person I said those things to.
[ and he still means them because nothing could change that. not after the crazed parts of him dorian has seen, not after knowing more than some people ever will. there's an intimacy to that, a certain sort of trust, and though he suspects there's also an equal sort of darkness in dorian, it doesn't bother him. it doesn't scare him or entice him. it simply is, and that's how larus believes it should be. ]
[The gentle petting of fingers in his hair and down the column of his neck sooth at Dorian's annoyance, and his gaze travels between Larus' hand and the other man's face for a moment as he sits with what he's hearing. He's unfazed. Probably not something that should surprise him in retrospect, but it's a reaction he's never received in response to someone finding out about his final secret. Part of him is oddly and unexpectedly relieved, even as the wounds to his pride and self-concept of exaggerated uniqueness linger.
It's... not a big deal. It doesn't make him any different than what he was before in the vampire's eyes. He's not sure how that could be remotely possible, especially given that he's just admitted his own ongoing deception between them, but somehow it is.
But the longer they stall in the moment, still pressed together and with Larus' hands on him, the more his irritation leeches away.]
So you just... want to go back to what we were doing?
[It's still bizarre to him how little impact his secret seems to have made. It's going to take him a few moments to catch up to Larus again.]
[ larus will want time to think about all of this later, as he usually does, including the last eight days that have transpired between them, but for now, it doesn't matter. none of that matters. he will give more to dorian if he asks it of him, if he knows how to give it, and that's a far more terrifying thought to have than the secret he's kept from him since they'd first met. it's also something larus isn't going to linger on, settling his hand against a bare shoulder and shifting just a little to lean into the weight of the body partially pinning his to the bed. ]
You said you wanted to please me, [ he reminds him, though it borders on the softest kind of tease. there's no doubt dorian had factored himself into that equation as well. ] We can do whatever you feel like doing. Being with you, either way, is enough.
[ so, they can talk or kiss or do both. larus could hold him and drown in the sound of his heartbeat right next to him rather than from rooms away. he's indifferent to it because all he wants – all he's wanted since he'd become himself again – is to connect to someone he cares about in any way possible. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ it's a breathy murmur when they part once, whispered between them in an attempt to continue bridging the gap between them. there really hasn't been enough contact between them, especially after the last week or so, and some of it, too, he knows, is because he's much more nocturnal outside their suite than inside it. larus might change some of his schedule to suit dorian's better so they could spend more time with each other, but that's also something they haven't really talked about.
he doesn't see a need to speak though, inviting even more contact as he presses in for another kiss. it's not quite as soft and exploring as before, something a bit harder with an edge to it that says he wants him close. there's no rush to do anything besides this either, curling an arm around dorian's back and holding him as he leans into him. all of this is a reminder that he's still there and present, that he hadn't slipped and become a monster with no clear moral compass or care for anyone. especially dorian, a shock that seems to settle more pleasantly through him as he slowly accepts it.
drawing back, he rests their foreheads together. ] If it makes you happy.
no subject
He's a little amused by the other man's answer to him, but the soft-edged sweetness of it is enticing, too. Pulling enough away to look Larus in the face properly, Dorian surveys the vampire's expression with interest, his thumb perusing the soft line of his jaw from where his hand is already resting on his face.]
You want to please me? [Because that's how it sounds, and his question is posed without teasing. He's used to this from people, especially younger people, but in this moment he wants to hear the Larus take on it. If it's true exactly the way it sounds, he won't question it. He'll just take what's given, when it's given.]
no subject
I didn't say anything about that. [ not exactly, lifting a hand to gently catch the other man's wrist. rather than push him away, he simply holds onto him. ] I'd like to be closer to you, so if it's something we both want...
[ larus falls off then, not caring to repeat himself again. he thinks it would make dorian happy since he'd mentioned it, and regardless of whatever larus himself thinks, he's happier here. in this suite, in this room. with this man. there's still so much of his own feelings he hasn't sorted through, but at least he can say those things to him with certainty. whatever comes after will require more time. ]
no subject
Which if true is fine, because he's comfortable pursuing.]
And if that is what I want? [It is. He thinks he's been fairly clear in his interest, to the point of being told he's trying too hard.] Do you want to indulge me?
[He's not talking about right now, but just in general.]
no subject
Sometimes. [ which is true. part of the things he does is to indulge him already, though not in a rather obvious manner. ] But I also think you're so used to everyone else indulging you that this is frustrating. Maybe you believe I want something else out of it – I don't know. Locked in that room, all I wanted was to kill you. To have your blood until it was the only thing I could ever remember tasting.
[ he tries not to grimace, knowing that some part of that still remains inside him somewhere. ]
There's more to it than that though. It's why I'm here now. It's why I asked you to stay with me.
no subject
What's the 'more'? [Why bring up wanting to kill him? Wanting his blood? Is he trying to say that it's an equivalent to personal or sexual satisfaction, or something part of Larus wants, even now? He could believe that because it seems like a typical part of the vampire condition to mix death with pleasure, the impulse being an unwanted one or not, but it's still a confusing thing to hear suddenly in this context.
Dorian doesn't understand what's being said, implied, or anything else, so there's nothing to do but ask.]
I don't understand what how other people respond to me has to do with it, either.
[????????? ??? Larus????? Help.]
no subject
when he looks at him, he tries his best not to frown. ]
I respect you, Dorian. I like you. That's what I mean by more. [ it's not a confession—sort of. mostly just a simple statement. ] And I'm not like other people. Sometimes, I don't know how you want me to respond, but I do try to give you what you want.
[ is that even enough? he doesn't know, but at least he isn't going to deflect for the time being. ]
no subject
In contrast, all Dorian's been doing this entire time is following impulse. His intuition. His heart-- such as it is anymore. Even he isn't sure on that point.
But he thinks he understands what Larus is saying now, even if his footing in this still isn't sure. Why is this coming up now?]
I know you aren't like other people. [It was part of the reason for his initial attraction, and now his ongoing interest. As he's come to know Larus better he's grown to appreciate the parts of him that aren't so unusual, too. But the seeming struggle at his core as Dorian perceives it, the curious blend of an unwilling fixation on death, combined with warring feelings about caring or not caring about almost everything, is moving, sometimes annoying, endearing and attractive.
It's nothing like himself. He wouldn't waste the space in his thoughts.]
Do you think I'm expecting something? [A dark eyebrow hikes slightly.]
no subject
I don't know. [ which sounds like a non-answer so he follows with: ] I'm still trying to figure you out. I'm still trying to learn where I fit in your life and where you are in mine.
[ because it would be simple to say that they're nothing besides a dominant and a submissive. friends, at the very least. but for larus, it's a little more complicated than that now. maybe he could just swallow it all down like he's used to and keep it easy. still, there's nothing about any of this that can be easy when dorian is really the only person he trusts in his abysmal city. ]
With the way things happen here, I don't know how long that's going to take.
no subject
Other times, this same kind of conversation happens with someone he cares too much for, and it immediately becomes terrifying.
This is more middling in that regard, but it's still uncomfortable. Dorian's expression settles, becoming a bit smoother and less emotive.]
You fit the way you fit. [He waves a hand airily.] I'm happy with it, and I'd rather stay the way we have been than live, or spend most of my time around other people in this place.
no subject
I don't know what other way we'd be.
[ which is his way of ending this particular talk, grabbing dorian's hand and giving it a tug to draw him back into a more lax position with him on the bed. if he doesn't come easily, larus is just going to press a kiss to the pulse in his wrist. ]
We didn't come in here to discuss any of that anyway.
no subject
There may be some recovery to be done now, and as they flop back down into the bed again, Dorian's gaze roams over Larus' profile to look for the need for it. Not noticing anything immediate, he props himself up on his side beside the vampire to look down into the other man's face.]
D'you want to know what I think? [he asks rhetorically.] You just spent eight days in a room with nothing but a painting [that was probably dying to whisper terrible nothings to Larus, but couldn't because of the display case it's in, thankfully] and your own thoughts. We owe it to try and put some more pleasant thoughts in this head of yours.
no subject
dorian's voice draws him away from it, gaze settling on the other man's face in equal measure.
he's come to find comfort in looking at him, in being with him and thinking about him. regardless of the few uncomfortable situations they've experienced together, dorian is safety and trust. larus doesn't need to try as hard as he normally does to be proactive in keeping his guard up constantly, but it's still, as always, a work-in-progress. it's years of habit that he can't just shut off, though he does lift a hand to brush his knuckles along the curve of his cheek. ]
What do you suggest?
no subject
Let me please you, in this case. [And himself in the process.
There's no particular urgency in the offer, but he does reach out to lay a hand on Larus' chest, fingers running over the smoothness of clean fabric. The swell of the muscles there. It feels good. Like a connection, and the kind he prefers.]
We could take our time [Which doesn't imply gentleness or roughness specifically, but whatever suits the mood. Rather than an impatient desire to take, in this moment and after everything they've both gone through, Dorian would rather be with Larus. That could mean any number of things when he still knows very little about the vampire's preferences. The finding out would be very enjoyable for him.] and then finish up with a good rinsing off.
[A bath would be pleasant too, but that would involve preparing it exactly the way it's good, and the amount of effort involved is a less appealing prospect right now.]
no subject
the touch to his chest casts his thoughts elsewhere almost immediately, centering on dorian's heartbeat and the warmth of him so close. it's an oddly overwhelming sensation now that he thinks about it, after being cut off from anything kind for such a short amount of time, and it's yet another reminder of just how quickly he's come to adapt to such things. their casualness, their routine. the intimacy between them when it's there. (if he was asked to be perfectly honest in that moment, larus would have told dorian that all he needed was to rest his head against him and listen to him breathe for hours.) ]
I can do that.
[ said simply, almost sweetly, and his features smooth into a somewhat fond expression before he pushes up to find his mouth. the kiss is slow and easy, tasting him until it's important to allow dorian to breathe. then, larus is drawing him close in a way that equally implies a sort of lazy welcome to the idea of taking their time. he'd wanted to do that very first time they'd been together in this bed, but things are somewhat different between them than they had been then. there's no real urgency right now either, and larus mouths dorian's name into his skin as he touches lips to his jaw, fingertips caressing along his shoulder and down his arm. ]
no subject
Lips against his jaw are close enough to the sensitive spot of his neck that he shifts, offering himself to a furthering of lips, tongue, teeth, whatever Larus might be inspired to grace this part of his body with. It's a touchier place since their first time together, but they've built trust and affection since then. He's not worried, and he wants it.
His own hands caress and smooth with more intent --his desire for and attraction to the other man aren't subtle, and aren't ever going to be-- but it's still slow-going. He's enjoying it, appreciating the alternating hardness and softness of the ridges of the vampire's rib cage, his lightly-muscled form, and then the softness just below the hem of Larus' shirt as he passes his hands beneath it to help himself to smooth, chill skin.]
no subject
larus leans into it unconsciously, encouraging more of whatever it is dorian will give him as they explore one another without haste, and he pauses with his face tucked into that spot between neck and shoulder, soaking up the contact as he listens to the steady pulse that echoes around him before moving again. he skirts a hand along dorian's side, slipping it between them to begin the arduous task of unbuttoning his shirt. but with each freed fastening, larus kisses along his throat towards his mouth. because he can, because he wants to.
the kiss, this time, is filled with unspoken thanks, gratitude for the things dorian's done for him and everything in between. it whispers of the devotion he could give him, the eagerness of being with him. it begs for understanding just as much as his longing burns through him. all of it his body says without voicing it loudly, needing more than what he knows how to ask for. ]
no subject
If it could ever happen to begin with.
He's freed from all related thoughts, though, by the pulling of fingers at his shirt and the return of lips against his own. There are emotions and needs in the kiss this time that Dorian can't quite place, but the sweetness and passion of the gesture are evident. He wants it, returning it in his own way by shifting his hands to draw at the vampire's shirt in turn, waiting for the pauses for his own breath that are becoming a pattern to pull it up, and then out of the way.
Dorian helps with the last of the fashionable (arduous) amount of buttons on his own shirt, shrugging out of it slowly with something like relief. And then he stops, and gives himself a moment to bask in the sight of Larus stretched out beneath him. His fingers drop to run along the length of his torso, enjoying the smoothness and intimate contact there now that any offending fabric is out of the way.]
What do you want right now? [It doesn't matter what it is, but it would be an unbridled pleasure to get any reply when it felt like there were words lurking beneath the surface of their last kiss.]
no subject
I want —
[ what does he want? does it have anything to do with what he needs? there are a number of things he could list off that wouldn't really be anything significant, and most of all, larus' initial response to a question like that is almost always 'nothing'. he wants nothing. he needs nothing. he's purposely limited himself to it; regardless of the outcome of a situation, he's not setting himself up for disappointment by not wanting anything. it's the same sort of expectation he'd set for himself when they'd contracted, only giving one term and one term only. now, it's a mess, and his thoughts drift back to that room, how he's determined to never set foot inside it ever again—even if dorian encourages him to.
but that doesn't answer the question, does it? larus looks up at him, lost in so many thoughts and trying to narrow it down to one. a response, something that would satisfy them both in some way. as always, it's honesty he reaches for, and it's a quiet admittance that pulls his own heart in a thousand different directions. ]
You. I want you. [ but it's more than just a physical connection, which is easy. he can detach himself from it if he chooses, a mechanism to survive in a world that requires it. his palm presses against dorian's chest, fingertips pressing into skin. ] I want to feel you, and I want to taste you. I just want to be with you.
[ right there, in that moment. this present of theirs and not the past or whatever future might unfurl before them. ]
no subject
He knows what it means. And for once with this particular man, he doesn't feel any need to seek clarification. This kind of understanding between them is significant, and he thinks it's because he's hearing a complete and unfiltered truth-- not that Larus ever lies to him, but he's noticed that his words are usually buried under layers upon layers of thought and considered decision-making. It's not lying. It's guarded.
This isn't, and it's a trust he wants to return. There are a hundred different ways he could respond to the admission that he thinks would satisfy the both of them on many levels, but for something like this, something else is called for.
Dorian bends back down to press himself against Larus, his hand curving around the back of the vampire's neck to tip his head for a deep kiss. He's already determined to take a leap, and that sudden reckless decisiveness is present in the purposeful press of his lips.]
Then there's something I want you to know. [Dorian kisses him again, this time ending it with a small scrape of teeth against a lower lip that's a little sharp, only to pull any and all wandering attention and thoughts completely onto himself and his words. He draws enough away to murmur,]
I'm immortal. [He webs fingers over the top of Larus' chest.] The picture in that room is of me, and it's taken my wounds and follies for over 160 years.
no subject
dorian's immortal, but more than that, it partly explains some of the things he's done and said since he's known him. ]
Why are you telling me this now? [ his touch drifts to the shell of dorian's ear, fingertips lightly teasing at the curl of dark hair that falls there. ] It doesn't change what I said or what I want.
[ there's nothing hypocritical or demanding in his tone, the words even but slightly curious. his eyes never leave dorian's either, looking at him as though he can search out some further truth from his admission. what has he seen in all that time? what has he done? larus can't imagine it, even though he's known others to have lived longer than naturally possible. sun, for one, but he certainly doesn't want to think about him right now and forces himself not to. ]
no subject
Dorian's immediately a little annoyed by the perceived slight to his vanity.]
You were being giving with me. [Or that's how it came off. Open, giving, emotionally revealing.] I was returning the favor.
[How ungrateful!!!]
no subject
I know. I didn't imply I wasn't grateful for it. [ he's learning this to be something about dorian to anticipate. ] You're still the same person I said those things to.
[ and he still means them because nothing could change that. not after the crazed parts of him dorian has seen, not after knowing more than some people ever will. there's an intimacy to that, a certain sort of trust, and though he suspects there's also an equal sort of darkness in dorian, it doesn't bother him. it doesn't scare him or entice him. it simply is, and that's how larus believes it should be. ]
no subject
It's... not a big deal. It doesn't make him any different than what he was before in the vampire's eyes. He's not sure how that could be remotely possible, especially given that he's just admitted his own ongoing deception between them, but somehow it is.
But the longer they stall in the moment, still pressed together and with Larus' hands on him, the more his irritation leeches away.]
So you just... want to go back to what we were doing?
[It's still bizarre to him how little impact his secret seems to have made. It's going to take him a few moments to catch up to Larus again.]
no subject
You said you wanted to please me, [ he reminds him, though it borders on the softest kind of tease. there's no doubt dorian had factored himself into that equation as well. ] We can do whatever you feel like doing. Being with you, either way, is enough.
[ so, they can talk or kiss or do both. larus could hold him and drown in the sound of his heartbeat right next to him rather than from rooms away. he's indifferent to it because all he wants – all he's wanted since he'd become himself again – is to connect to someone he cares about in any way possible. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)